Chapter Eleven
Joel
If Jet can face his dad every night in his nightmares, then I should be able to face mine face-to-face, right? Even if I shatter his dreams for me. Even if my mom shuts herself up in her room for days afterward.
Even if it feels like the end of the world. My world.
There are words that need to be said, things that need to be put on the table.
It’s time.
Brylee excuses herself shortly after, and I take Candy and Jet to bed. We’re kinda wiped, and my mind’s whirring away, so by the time I take my turn in the bathroom and slip under the covers, I find Candy fast asleep, curled in Jet’s arms, and he’s gone, too.
Only I’m wide awake. I spoon Candy and pull the covers over all of us, burying my nose in her sweet-smelling hair.
Thinking.
I meant what I said. They deserve more than this. They deserve someone not scared to face his parents. I’m twenty-one, for chrissakes. Not a child. If my parents disown me, if they don’t speak to me ever again, I’ll deal. I hardly talk to them these days anyway.
I don’t care what my parents think of me, or of my relationship to Candy and Jet. I don’t give a flying fuck anymore about whether they approve of me and my actions or not. Fuck them. Fuck the world.
And yet… Something has been pinching inside my ches
t, like a thorn caught under the skin. I’ve tried to ignore it, tried to pretend it didn’t bother me, but it does.
I can’t keep my lovers buried forever. Can’t keep pretending I haven’t made my choice. I need to talk to my parents, openly, like Candy does with hers. I need to confront them, tell them of my decision to be with these two people I love, to change jobs, to be who I am.
Because this is who I am. These are the people I love. This is what I want.
My mind keeps replaying my dad’s words the last time I saw him, the words he speaks in my nightmares.
“If my only son turns queer, I’ll throw myself off that fucking balcony.”
He won’t do it, if I tell him. He won’t. He’s a bastard, but he’d never do that.
Would he?
Should I care? Should I keep hiding because of his words?
No. I hesitated long enough—and this threat isn’t the only thing that’s kept me back.
Let’ be honest for a second here: I’ve always feared my parents’ reaction to everything I’ve done, everything I am. Because of that, I almost lost Jet and Candy, almost lost my chance to be with them. If not for the wake-up call I got when Jet was stabbed and Candy stopped answering the phone, I might have gone through life in regret and sadness.
I need to tell my parents. And one thing is clear to me: I can’t tell them over the phone. I have to face them for this.
So I will. The sooner the better.
***
Also, the party will happen.
I think about it the next day at work, as I check accounts and make reports for the small company that hired me. I wasn’t joking when I said it. Sure, it was a spur of the moment thing, but the more I think about it, the more I like it. Get to know both of Jet’s cousins, Candy’s brother, and have them meet my sis and her boyfriend, too.
Smooth things over with Riddick. I want him to be friends with me. I want the people who are important to Jet to at least not think I’m a butthead. And Candy’s parents not to think I’m always pissed at the world.
Yeah, the parents should be invited, too. Candy’s, and mine. I’ll invite my parents in person. Perfect opportunity to tell them everything, right?
The work is okay. Less complicated than my old job. Less challenging. More boring, sure, but it gives me time to plan what I want to do for real.