Broken Compass

“Humor me.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. We moved around a lot. From town to town, from neighborhood to neighborhood.” I chew on the inside of my cheek. “I guess that’s another reason I want to stay here, apart for waiting for her: it’s the first time I have stayed in one place for so long. I made friends. I got to know the neighborhood. I feel… like I found a home. You know? I don’t want to give it up just yet.”

He nods. “And your dad?”

“Never met him. Mom likes men. Way too much. She dates a different guy every month. Some last longer. Not that it’s a good thing.”

He frowns. “Did her boyfriends hurt you?”

“No. Some were creepy though.”

“Creepy how?”

I kick at a pebble. “Sometimes they peeked in when I showered or changed clothes. Stared at my legs when I was in shorts. That sort of thing.”

He curses under his breath. “And now? Where is she?”

“I dunno. She was seeing this guy from out of town. She said something about going with him on a trip for a week. She just… never came back.”

“What the hell? She left without even telling you she was going?”

I like his anger on my behalf a bit too much. “No. She never answered her phone or the texts I sent her. She has… she has done it before.”

“You serious?”

“She never stayed away for so long before, though. The longest was a month. Now she’s been gone for much longer.”

And I’m afraid… afraid she’s not coming back. The fear hits me in the dead of the night when I can’t sleep, or when I stand alone on the balcony, gazing at the city below. In those unsuspected moments, when everything around me seems normal, that’s when I feel the enormity of her absence. The void she’s left behind.

Even if we weren’t all that close. She’s still my mom. My only family in the world.

“I don’t know how to help you,” he says as we reach our street. “Syd. Know what I mean? I can’t help you find your mom. And I won’t be here forever. You need to decide what to do. Okay?” He stops, takes my hand and tugs until I’m facing him. His pale eyes are serious. “You’re too young to be living alone. You should tell someone, an adult.”

“I’ve told you. You’re an adult.”

“No, that’s not…” He sighs. “That’s not what I meant. A social worker. Someone at school.”

“No. I can’t. They’ll take me away. I can’t.”

“Okay.” He nods. “You don’t want to leave West and Nate. I get it. You’re in love with them. I wish… I wish I had what you have.”

“No! No, it’s not like that, it’s… complicated.”

“That’s a pity. They’re in love with you.”

“They are?” I stare at him. “How would you know?”

But he doesn’t seem to hear me. “I still wish for it, you know,” he whispers. “Even unrequited love is better than no love at all.”

That night, when I enter the living room, I notice an envelope sticking half under the apartment door. I pick it up, open it.

It’s a wad of cash. No card, no name, no nothing.

Dizziness hits me. Who could have done this? Who knows that I need money? Is it from Kash?

Kash leaving me cash. That’d be funny.

Okay, think, Sydney. Is it Mom? Has she somehow sent me money? That would be… that would be so awesome, and I want so hard to believe it.