No it’s not, West. Just tell him. Confess.
“Sure,” he says and I blink at him, confused.
“Sure, what?”
“I’ll try with you. Nothing to lose, right?”
Right…
Well, apart from the fact I want Syd for myself, and now I’m helping my best friend get her. Oh, what about the fact that I’m weirdly attracted to said best friend, maybe to Kash, too, but otherwise… yeah, no problem. I mean, it was my suggestion.
Go me.
“Okay,” Nate says and rubs a hand over his mouth. “Come here.”
Uh.
It finally sinks in, what I offered to do. What I’m about to do with my best friend, who happens to be a guy.
He’s smiling a faint smile, the dimple in his left cheek barely there, his gaze uncertain, those long dark lashes lowering as he glances from my eyes to my mouth. “Come on, West. Give it to me.”
A nervous snicker escapes me, my palms sweating. No big deal, right? I mean guys even blow each other in the showers sometimes just to get off, or to see what it’s like. Kissing? Pff. This is nothing. I’m just helping my friend get over his fear—and I don’t wanna think of the source of that fear, the reason for it.
I just hope he’ll tell me everything one day.
And I still hesitate to touch him.
“This is awkward,” he says, and rakes a hand through his dark hair. It’s grown way too long, hanging over his ears and forehead, falling in his eyes, curling a little at the back of his neck. “Maybe it’s a bad idea.”
His mouth is wide and always mobile, smiling, talking, pursing, thinning. His lower lip is slightly fuller, something I noticed years ago. It was funny then.
It’s hot now. “No,” I say. “It’s not a bad idea.”
I curl my hand around the back of his neck and drag him closer. It’s to help him, I tell myself, to show him he can do it. That’s all there is to it, nothing more.
I’m not curious to kiss him, taste his mouth. See if it’s different from kissing Syd. See if I can make him kiss me back.
What the hell. But I’m already pressing my lips to his, my hand holding him in place when he jerks back.
It’s just that, lips against lips, soft, warm, and I don’t dare try more in case I spook him. He’s already panting, eyes comically wide.
Not funny, though. When he said he freaked out with Syd, I didn’t think much of it. But there’s real fear in his gaze. He’s shaking. He grabs my shoulder and shoves at me.
Goddammit. I release him and draw back, oddly disappointed, probably as much for not magically fixing what ails him as for not deepening the kiss, not finding out what it’s really like to kiss Nate.
He has a hand in his hair again, tugging, his cheeks flushed. “Fuck.”
“Sorry, dude. This isn’t working.” He was right. It’s damn awkward. I start to get up. “You were right. It was a bad idea.”
“Just…” His hand clamps around my wrist, keeping me down. “Shit, man, gimme a goddamn minute.”
For what? I want to ask, slumping back down, leaning against the bed. The experiment failed, skewed results or not. He was right. Feeling safe wasn’t enough.
Or is it because I’m a guy?
“Let me,” he says. I have no idea what he’s talking about, until he grabs the back of my neck and drags me in for a kiss that blasts through me like a blaze of fire.
It’s aggressive. Violent. Hard. The motherfucker bites my lower lip, licks at my mouth, thrusts his tongue between my lips.