But by the time we get back downstairs, all that’s shoved aside, because West is on his feet and Sydney is tugging on his arm, her eyes wide.
“Wait,” she’s saying. “Nate! Come here.”
“Where are you going, buddy?” I make a grab for his arm, but he’s already going down the steps, heading to the building exit. “West!”
He’s gripping the banister like a lifeline but doesn’t slow down. “I’m leaving.”
“No, West.” Sydney is scrambling after him. “Wait.”
“Where the hell are you going?” I take the steps two at a time.
“I dunno.” He stops at the door, a hand on the handle. He’s staring at it as if he’s forgotten what it’s for. “I… I just…”
“You’re coming with me.” I catch up with him, lean against the door so he can’t open it, and clasp his biceps. “You hear me?”
He looks down at my hand, a crease between his brows.
“With us.” Sydney reaches us, too, and throws her arms around West. “You’re coming with us.”
“That’s right.” Kash climbs down the last steps and puts his arms around us all. “We’re going home.”
Book III
Three Months later
“My body is a compass and it does not lie.”
Terry Tempest Williams, If women were birds
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sydney
Things in my life have changed.
Well, some things.
I finished school, landed a part-time job at a nearby college campus, in the admin offices, and life is on track.
I’m living with Kash and Nate—and West. He’s sleeping on the sofa until we figure this out, and although he has nightmares almost every night and I end up curled around him more often than not, at least I’m not worried anymore that something’s happening to him when I’m not there.
Yeah, I’m so frigging protective of him after what happened. His sister dead, and then a few days after that, the news that his grandfather passed away, too.
We’ve tried to get him to talk to us about it all. Threatened to sit on him until he tells us what exactly happened, why he seems so lost, not just sad, not just hurting, but as if he isn’t really here.
But he is. He’s here. And we’ll help him. I’m protective of all of the guys. Can’t help it. I want to take all their pain and turn it into happiness. If only I knew how…
Other things have changed too. Sleeping with West and Kash has shifted the dynamic. Because I don’t have that with Nate. He looks at me like he’s starving for me but can’t have me, that naked longing in his eyes making me squirm.
Actually, at this point they’re all looking at me like that, since we haven’t touched that way since West moved in with us. Something’s got to give, I can feel it, but meanwhile, we’re all going about our lives like before.
Mainly, and most importantly, my feelings for these three boys haven’t changed. If anything, they’ve become stronger. I don’t know what I’d do if anything was to happen to them.
Can you love three men equally? Is it normal? Am I crazy?
I think that Nate’s migraines and breakdown, Kash’s sickness and flashes of vulnerability, and our worry about West have brought us closer together.
Or is it all in my mind?