Broken Compass

Mom hasn’t come back, and there are days when I miss her so badly I don’t know what to do with myself. During those nights, when I can’t sleep, I look for one of the boys to snuggle with. They always lift the covers for me, letting me snuggle close. I try to push all that to the back of my mind, focus on everyday life, but I need to talk to someone, about mom, about the boys

Especially about the boys—because let’s face it, Mom is a lost cause.

So I ask my new bestie about it.

I’m staying over at Gigi’s place, at her mother’s house. She’s telling me about Jarett, her man, how awesome he is, how pretty, how strong, blah blah—I mean, we all know my boys are the prettiest, right?—and I pop in the question, pretending to be musing about the world in general.

“Hey… what do you think about loving more than one guy at a time?”

She chokes on her chewing gum and hacks like a cat with a hairball in her throat. “A threesome?” she squeaks.

“Why restrict yourself? How about a foursome? Three guys, one girl.” Three guys I know very well, and a girl who doesn’t know what the heck she’s doing.

“You serious?” When I don’t answer, she sighs and slumps back on the bed. “Um… Hot, I guess. How would that work out?

“Um. No idea. Ask them if they’re game, I guess?’

“No. I mean the sex, girl. One girl, th

ree boys. How?”

“Oh.” Heat spreads on my face. “I was thinking more about… love? Isn’t that more important?”

“So this isn’t a theoretical question, is it? It’s about your boys? I thought you only had two.”

“They’re not my boys,” I say automatically, to avoid assumptions. I say that every time she mentions them. She’s seen them waiting for me after work, or coming to pick me up when we go for a coffee, and refers to them as my boyfriends.

God, don’t I wish. It’s what I want. But it may all be wishful thinking. None of the boys have even touched me in these past weeks, let alone sat down and talked to me about their feelings.

Yeah, I know, I know. Boys. They don’t like talking about feelings, about what’s on their minds.

Le sigh.

“So…” Gigi says. “You basically are wondering how a love relationship between a girl and more guys could work out, yes? Because, well, I’ve read this story online, on a blog… It’s been taken down since then, but I saved a copy. I’ll send it to you. It’s fun.”

Fun? I’m not looking for a comedy, even less a fictional story. I want answers.

“I’m sending it to your email. It’s called Candy Boys.” She tucks her lower lip between her teeth as she types on her phone. “Warning: it’s really hot. The sex scenes… whew.”

“Foursome scenes?”

A blush spreads over her cheeks. “Threesome. Trust me, girl, that’s hot enough already.” She fans herself with her hand, lets the phone drop on her bed and props her chin on her hand.

I believe her. Just the thought of doing it with the guys gets me all worked up. Having them one by one kiss me, pleasure me, was scorching. I can’t imagine having them all together.

Would they all lie with me, run their hands over me, get naked… Would they touch each other? Kiss each other? Would they stroke their hard-ons, would they sink into me?

Could I take more than one at a time? Pleasure more than one, pleasure all of them? The images send a pleasurable ache between my legs, deep inside of me.

Holy shit, I haven’t even had proper sex yet in my life, and I’m imagining… what? Losing my V-card to all three of them at once?

“You’re blushing,” Gigi says with a giggle.

“So are you,” I say absently. I’m so turned on it’s killing me. What I want is to run back home, grab all the boys by the hand and lead them to my room, to my bed.

Would they let me? With them, I don’t feel alone. I feel whole. I feel that I’ve come home. But I doubt we can stay together like siblings. I want them too much, my body craves them, and I think they want me, too.

Please, don’t make me choose. I can’t choose. If I choose one, will the other two leave? Move out? I can’t let that happen. Can’t survive that.