No, I guess not. “He used to be happier,” I say quietly, tearing my gaze off Sydney with an effort.
And damn, I’m hard. I bend my knee to hide my hard-on. Common courtesy, right? To put a barrier between your hard dick and that of the guy next to you who just happens to be in the same bed as you. New territory to explore.
I wonder if he’s also hiding his morning wood from me, the way he’s turned slightly away from me.
“So did you,” he replies. “Used to be happier, I mean. I wanted to talk to you.”
“About last night? It’s cool.”
“Oh, right. Fuck. About last night, too.” He runs a hand through his wild hair. “Was it okay? Wait, you said it’s cool.”
I hide a grin. “Only if it didn’t make you think Syd’s only yours.”
He shakes his head. Glances at Syd and Nate. “She’s in love with you guys. I’ve known from the moment I met you.”
Something warm and bittersweet slips into my heart. “She sort of likes you, too, dude. If you hadn’t noticed.”
His cheeks are crimson now, and he ducks his head with a half-smile. Never pegged Kash for a shy guy. Is this shyness, or is he remembering last night?
“Anyway.” I’m sitting in bed naked, with two other naked guys and a naked girl, shooting the shit. What the hell, right? “Now that’s out of the way… Was someone really tailing you last night?”
“I dunno.” He tugs on the ring in his nose. The dark ink on his arms seems to move in the dim light. “Doesn’t matter.”
“You were fucking terrified, man.”
“I wasn’t.” He shoots me a faint sideways smile. “Okay, I was, but it’s not the first time I thought I saw someone, and it turned out that it was all in my mind. Damn paranoia.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
He says it calmly, lightly even, but I don’t buy it. Too much about this guy doesn’t quite add up, and even though I really like him and owe him big time for everything he’s done for me, even though I’m damn attracted to him and care for him on so many levels that I can’t even get jealous that he got to fuck Sydney last night… I have to find out the truth.
“If there’s any danger…”
“Look, forget about that, West. I want to ask you about your grandfather.”
Now he’s got my full attention, and I’m also done. “You’ve asked me before. Not interested.”
“Fuck you, West. Just tell me what happened that night. I need to know.”
“No, you don’t.” I roll off the bed and hunt for my briefs. “He died. He’s dead. They’re all dead. End of story.”
Yeah, not touching that one with a ten-foot pole. I’ve managed not to think about it since that hellish night of death and revelations. Not gonna start thinking now.
Kash bends his knees and rests his hands on top of them. Jeez, he looks sixteen, seventeen tops like that. How can this guy be over twenty? “Goddammit, West…”
Why is he poking into this? Can he feel the despair rolling off me, the realization I never meant anything to anyone, not even my own mother, that my past is erased and I’m drifting like a fucking ghost ship, with no destination?
“When you’re done mooning us, West…” Nate is propped up on his elbows, blinking sleepy eyes.
I growl. “We spent the night naked together, jacked off on Sydney’s tits while Kash fucked her, and you’re worried about my ass?”
“I wasn’t worried,” Nate mutters, scratching at his chest and… wait, is he checking me out?
I drag my briefs up, my dick at half-mast.
“Hey, I’m here,” Sydney mumbles, sitting up, folding her arms over her breasts. “Stop talking about me as if I’m not. It’s my tits you jizzed on.”