Broken Compass

“Woman. Watch your language.”

She snickers. The sound, the easy banter, her smile, they allow my chest to expand, my lungs to draw in air.

“You okay, girl?” Kash puts an arm around her. “I didn’t fuck up last night? Are you sore?”

She leans into him, smiling. “I’m good. I thought it’d hurt more.”

“That’s because his pecker isn’t big enough,” Nate mutters, and my mouth twitches. “It’s good you started out small.”

Kash ignores him. He strokes Sydney’s hair. “Did you like it?”

“Yes.” She blushes. “Didn’t you notice?”

Kash chuckles, and Nate grumbles something and tugs Sydney toward him.

“That was just an appetizer,” he tells her. “Wait until you taste the real thing.”

“Are we talking about a blowjob?” Kash appears pensive. “Cuz we’ve already done that.”

“Show-off. Shut up for a minute, will you?”

Kash snickers.

It’s nice to see them like this. To see Nate so calm, so relaxed with Sydney and Kash. I guess it’s easy to joke around, easy to touch when we’re all crammed on Nate’s double bed, bodies pressed together, warm and sweaty and easy.

Except I’m standing apart, scratching dried cum from my chest and unsure about joining in, unsure about what I’m doing here. Last night seems like a distant dream, and Kash’s questions are thorns under my skin, inside my head, festering, tearing my thoughts apart.

I need to get out of here while he’s busy fussing over Syd. I always thought her first time would be with me, then I thought it’d be Nate, but life happens, and I can’t be mad at Kash. He did scare the hell out of me last night, and for some reason, I can’t be jealous of him.

Probably because I never expected to be part of the deal, to find myself in this bed with them. I’m the broken wheel, the faulty part. No matter how much I want to stick around, ask Sydney in my turn how she is and hold her in my arms… this was a one-time thing.

Casting them one last long glance, I turn to go. I almost make it to the door, before Sydney calls out my name.

“Wait. West. Don’t go yet.” She slides off the bed, her full, bare tits swaying, and I can’t help but stare as she hurries over to me. Then she throws her arms around me. “West.”

I hug her back, terrified with how fucking relieved I am to feel her pressed to me, her arms around my waist, her breath on my skin.

“Are you upset?” she whispers. “With what we did last night, with all this… making out and sleeping together?”

“No, I just… I dunno, Syd.” What it means, and why the thought of it not happening again scares me. Why I want it so much, with her, with the others, too. “I have to go.”

“You’re running away,” Nate says. He’s scowling at me. “Is it because Kash asked you about your granddad?”

So we’re back to that.

“Just not in the mood. I have to get ready for work.” I pull back from her hold. “Syd, you too.”

“It’s barely light outside. We have time.”

No way. I’m not doing this. Not talking about last night, or my family.

I shake my head. “I’m going.”

“West.” She tugs on my arm. “I love you.”

After a few tries, I got a job bussing tables in a diner, but my head isn’t in any of it. I used to be an exemplary student once upon a time, and now I can’t even remember which tables I’m serving.

Not since Della and then that… that guy that I thought of as Grandpa died. When they both died and left me alone, and confused, and not sure if to mourn them or the lies they told me.