When I wake up later, in the middle of the night, from images of blood and a sick feeling to my stomach, I blink in the half dark, trying to get my bearings. I’m facing the wall and there are boxes stacked against it, with clothes thrown over them. Nate’s clothes, and some of Sydney’s, well, unless Nate has taken to wearing lacy thongs and bras.
The image makes me grin and dispels the rest of the nightmare.
That’s when I hear it.
Sydney. She’s crying in her sleep. For some reason, she ended up behind me, and I ended up facing away instead of curling my body around hers and holding her.
No wonder we’re both having nightmares. Holding on to each other seems to help with that on most nights.
I can’t turn around without falling off the goddamn bed, so I sit up and turn to find her eyes open, staring at me.
“Syd?” I sit down and stroke her hair. “What’s wrong?”
She draws a broken breath, then another. “West.”
“I’m here, girl. Tell me.”
“Syd?” Nate slides a hand over her hip, lifts his head and locks dazed eyes with mine. “What’s going on?”
I wish I knew. “Was it a nightmare?” I ask her.
“No, I couldn’t sleep.” She says in a small voice I barely make out. “I’m scared.”
“Baby. Scared of what?” Nate’s dark brows knit. He lifts up on his elbow so he can look down at her. “Tell us.”
“It’s just that… my mom left. Kash left. What if you leave me, too? I can’t…” Another hitched breath. “Can’t stand that thought.”
“We’re not leaving,” Nate says gravely.
She gives him a ghost of a smile, then turns her face into my palm, and I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.
“I swear I’m never leaving you,” I vow in my turn, and it’s a huge thing to say, to promise, but when I say it, I feel lighter—because I know it’s the truth.
I shift on the bed, dangling one leg off, and my bare foot hits something. “Ow.”
“What is it?” Sydney wipes at her cheeks and sits up.
I bend over the side and pull out a metal box. “What the fuck man, you’re keeping stuff under the bed?”
“Best place to keep stuff.” Nate yawns widely, squints at the box. “But that’s not mine.”
“How can you be sure with all the mountains of stuff you keep down there?”
“Cool your jets, my man. Just because you like to live like a hermit in a cave doesn’t mean all of us have to do the same.”
“What is this box, then?” Sydney reaches for it and I give it to her.
I turn on the lamp and we all look on as she opens the lid and pulls a notebook from inside. A black, leather-bound notebook.
She looks up, eyes wide. “Kash’s journal. He hid it in Nate’s room.”
Well, shit.
“Clever bastard,” Nate mutters. “Maybe he didn’t want us to read it.”
“Tough cookies.” She opens it, her gaze bright. “You know what this means, right? He didn’t plan on leaving. He wouldn’t leave this here.”
“How do you know? Maybe it’s not important to him.”