Broken Compass

West has been looking for articles online about a Russian family in Wisconsin who died tragically—although we don’t know whether the death of Kash’s family was tragic to anyone but him.

Time is passing. The weeks are turning into months. If Kash was kidnapped, that is a very bad thing. I know it because I watch Homeland and NCIS. God, I hope they’re wrong. I hope he’s okay.

If he walked away and wasn’t kidnapped, I’m going to throat-punch him. Once I find him, that is. I only want to hear his voice, ask if he’s okay. If he ran away or if he’s in trouble. Is that too much to ask?

If anything has happened to him… God, I can’t bear to think about it. And meanwhile, something the policeman said when we reported Kash as missing has been on my mind.

Drugs. Kash bought the weed he smoked somewhere. In parties, like the one he took me to a million years ago when he was trying to get Nate and West to make up. On the street, for sure. In shady bars, like the one where Nate used to work. Maybe near the Greek restaurant, too, or around the ice cream parlor when he came to pick me up.

If the policeman was right and Kash’s disappearance has to do with drugs… then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll ask the pushers. The candy men. See if he owed them money, if he was caught in any shady deals, if there’s anything at all they can tell me.

So I start with the dealers around the shop, and work my way to the restaurant. A couple recognize his name but shake their heads when I ask if they know where he’s gone. No, he didn’t owe money. No, he wasn’t caught up in anything shady. Boy always walked on the straight and narrow—well, apart from buying weed off the street, but whatever.

Nothing there, then.

I keep walking and I keep asking until I have to go to work, and then I walk and ask some more. It gives me the illusion of doing something proactive to find Kash instead of sitting at home crying and trying to read his journa

l.

His writing got worse with the years, let me tell you. And what he is writing breaks my heart. No way would he have left it behind.

I’m sure… almost sure.

Finally, I come across a pusher not far from where we used to live who says that Kash had looked jumpy the last times he saw him and kept looking over his shoulder. He asked Kash if someone was after him, and Kash said no, but…

But Kash talked about a stalker.

Unsettled, I tell the guy that Kash has gone missing, not expecting it to lead anywhere, but the guy says another pusher told him he saw something strange one night.

Involving Kash.

And this pusher now only sells in certain bars and clubs and rave parties and that’s where I can find and ask him.

It’s the first clue I got. If it is a clue. Something strange—that can mean any sort of thing, from Kash singing opera as he pissed in a trash can to Kash getting kidnapped. But most probably the former.

In any case, I need to find this guy and ask him what it was he saw. And I’m not telling the boys.

I mean, this isn’t the best plan. Or even a good plan. What are the chances that I’ll discover something? I’ll only make them worried, and they’re both still recovering from some pretty heavy stuff.

Besides, I can do this. It’s just some nights out, and I’ll ask the guy a few questions. No big deal.

I won’t be alone, either. I have a wingman: my bestie, Gigi. She doesn’t know it yet, but that doesn’t matter. Me and her, we’re gonna smash it.

Chapter Forty-Two

Nate

Sydney is acting weird.

Funny how in the middle of the mess of West’s life falling apart and Kash disappearing I notice this. How it’s impossible for me to miss any little thing she says or does.

Like tonight. She’s getting ready to go meet her bestie, Gigi. I don’t think I’ve ever met the girl, though Syd says she was at our school, so I may have seen her on the days I go pick her up.

Syd says she’s going out with her for some drinks. Girls night out. Which is a new thing. But whatever. Just because we’ve been spending every night together like an old couple—well, old trio, or whatever—doesn’t mean that our girl can’t go out without us and have some fun.

But it’s weird because Syd has been hit so hard by Kash going, she wakes up crying almost every night. Going out never seemed like something she’d go for, not right now. Then again, maybe she needs the change, and the distraction.

And she’s dressed in heels and a black mini dress that has my dick excited and raring to go. All I want is to push her on the sofa and fuck her until she screams my name, but that’s not how she’s planned her night.