Broken Compass

She shakes her head sadly. “Baby…”

“Are you two serious?” Harold mock-gapes at us. “Stop babying her, Mary. She’s a spoiled brat.”

“You…” Nate’s cheekbones are flushed, his eyes glittering. His hands are fisted at his sides. “I’ve heard enough. Careful how you speak to my girlfriend.”

The man, Harold, stands up and opens his mouth to speak, but West takes a step forward, his arm in front of me, protective. “Don’t even think about it.”

He frowns, as if puzzled, then grabs Mom’s arm and hauls her to her feet. “Come on, Mary, we’re going.”

She says nothing, letting him manhandle her around the table.

“Mom!” Panicking, I shove West’s arm away and get in their way. “Wait. That’s… we haven’t even talked yet.”

“I have to go.” There’s regret in her voice, but also steel.

“No, not yet, just…” I’m panicking. We haven’t even sat down yet, for chrissakes. “I need to know. You came back to see me, right?”

“I came back to pick up some stuff from the apartment.” Her voice has gone cold. I don’t recognize her anymore, I realize. That’s my mom? “That’s all.”

“You…” West steps forward, hands fisted, gaze murderous, and I absently push him back. He lets me.

“Why did you leave me?” I ask, hating the crack in my voice. “Why didn’t you write? Where were you all this time?”

“I was busy, baby. As you can see.”

“You left me! I’m your daughter. You left me and didn’t even write!” I stare at her, willing her to say she understands, that she’s sorry. To say something. Anything.

“What’s the fucking problem now?” he mutters, hauling Mom away by the arm. “Let’s go.”

“Sydney, stop whining about me going,” Mom tells me over her shoulder. “You’re an adult now.”

“But I wasn’t when you left,” I whisper as they pass us by and walk out of the coffee shop. “Can’t you see how wrong it was to leave me like that? How you hurt me?”

She’s already gone. In and out of my life in a matter of minutes. It’s obvious she can’t see the problem. She doesn’t get it. Doesn’t feel anything. Doesn’t care.

And it kills me because deep inside I know it’s been that way all along. My boys care more for me than my mom ever has, and it should be fine. I have them now. They’re always there for me, in every way that counts.

But I can’t stop the tears as I watch my mom leave with her asshole of a boyfriend. I’m splintering up, fracturing, falling to pieces.

When Nate and West surround me, I pour my hot tears into their shirts, into their chests, their skin, their flesh, and they take them all without a word, holding me tight.

They put me back together, and I know I’ll be okay.

Not now, though.

Now I’m a broken thing.

“I saw Kash again,” I mumble against West’s solid chest as Nate unlocks the door of our apartment and lets us in. “Earlier today, as I was walking home.”

“You’re exhausted. Make yourself comfortable on the sofa, and I’ll make you a hot chocolate.”

“I did, West. I saw him.” I don’t know why I’m so insistent about it, why it matters that he believes me when I’m not even sure about what I saw.

“Okay.” He gives me a serious look. “Sit down, I’ll get you the hot chocolate, and you can tell me about it.”

He probably thinks it’s better for me to let it out, talk about it, and forget that my Mom just walked out on me for the second time in my life, that she doesn’t care about me, and that… That she may not come back.

A sob catches in my throat, and Nate comes and wraps his arms around me. “Shh,” he whispers. “You have us, girl. You have us, always.”