Broken Compass

“Lunch.” I eye our meager foodstuff supplies doubtfully. “We need to buy groceries.”

“Breakfast was great. I bet you’ll do a great job.” Nate opens a cupboard, takes out a box of cookies. “I vote to have West at home as our full-time personal chef. West for Chef!”

“Vetoed,” I grumble and take the box from his hands. “And if you eat that, you’ll lose your appetite.”

He gapes at me. “Seriously, dude? Have you met me?”

“Good point.” I shove the box at him. “Dammit.”

He grins, then stuffs his mouth full like a squirrel, and my lips twitch. “Did Kash tell you anything else while we were away?” he asks. “About what happened to him?”

Or at least that’s what I think he says around all those cookies in his mouth. “He said… that he didn’t leave by choice. And that he fought to come back to us.”

“What does that mean?” Nate puts down the box of cookies, a frown on his face. “Fought to come back?”

Sydney gives a soft whimper against my chest. “I’m afraid,” she

whispers. “That the story we’re about to hear will be hard.”

“You knew all along.” I stroke her curls. “You’re the one of us who never doubted him.”

“Always knew what?” another voice says, and I look up to see Kash leaning against the doorjamb, blond hair in his face, arms folded over his chest.

I just look at him. He looks more like the Kash I know now, and I can’t figure out why. He seems tall, while last night he seemed small, smaller than me and Nate.

He’s not bowed over anymore, I realized. He’d been so hunched in on himself, but now he’s standing straight, and despite his thinness and the weariness written all over his face, the feverish brightness still in his eyes, he looks more like himself again.

“Always knew you never meant to leave us,” Sydney says, turning in the circle of my arms to face him.

He ducks his head, and that’s strange. Kash has never been shy. Quiet, sure, introverted, but also confident.

His shoulders shake.

That’s when I realize he’s crying. Oh God, I’ve never seen Kash cry.

Then again, I’d never seen Nate cry, either, until this morning. We’ve changed. We’re hurt and cracked, I think, as we move toward him and surround him, Sydney molding herself to his front, Nate and me to his back and side. We’re all broken. Didn’t Nate tell me that?

But we’re also strong.

“I can’t fucking believe I’m back,” Kash whispers. “I keep thinking I’ll wake up back in that fucking hole. I can’t believe I made it back.”

“You’re here,” Sydney murmurs. “You made it. You came to us.”

We hold him, and rock him, letting Syd calm him down and wipe his cheeks.

Until eventually Nate takes charge.

“Well, Goldilocks,” he tells him with a wink and tugs us all toward the living room, “it’s time you told us everything that happened.”

“Goldilocks?” Kash snickers, thick with tears. “Fuck you, man.”

“Maybe later.” Nate tsks. “Fucking is important. But first, we talk.”

Chapter Fifty-One

Kash

It just hit me, really hit me that I’m back home. The haze is finally lifting from my brain, and every one of my senses burns. It’s real.