Marriage of Unconvenience

“Sounds like fun. Plus, you’d be working with a lot of smart people and you’d get to see a lot of art. That wouldn’t be bad.” I didn’t think so.

“Something tells me it’s not going to help with my non-existent artistic talent. Oh, I need your help looking up some famous paintings so I can gush about them in the interview. That’s one of the requirements.” I could think of paintings that I liked all day long with no pressure, but in the intense and anxiety-provoking environment of a job interview, my brain liked to stop working. I had the rest of the questions down, but that was a new one I hadn’t practiced yet.

“Of course. Hey, can you do laundry tomorrow? I really want to wear that new romper I got.”

“No problem,” I said, flipping some of the steak pieces in the wok with the spatula. Cara’s hands were still lingering on my waist and I could feel her breath stirring my hair.

I kept moving, pretending I didn’t notice that she was still there, but my lungs were struggling to work, and I didn’t know how to get my brain to focus on just stirring the food.

“I can’t wait to get back to school. Is that weird? I miss homework.” She stepped away at last and I nearly gasped in relief. My body just went haywire whenever she was that close. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the intensity of my reaction hadn’t gone down at all. It had gotten worse since we’d moved in. Our proximity was hard sometimes. It filled me with the most uncomfortable ache that made my skin and bones hurt. It never lasted very long, but the episodes had gotten more and more frequent and I didn’t know how to deal with them. I just wanted to live with Cara and for everything to be fine. It was going to be fine.

“You ready for next week?” Obviously, we couldn’t get our money on the weekend, so we were probably getting it sometime next week, after the financial advisor got our Priority Mailed documents. I had this horrible fear that they’d somehow get lost in the mail so I’d checked and double and triple checked the address and the name of the person processing it. Even Cara told me I was going overboard with making sure that everything was prefect. I just couldn’t fuck this up. My bank account was almost empty, my car had been sitting useless in the garage, and I had bills coming up that I couldn’t pay on my own. Being broke was terrifying. I was still expecting something to go wrong, or for this all to fall apart.

“I just want this all to be over. The money part, I mean. The fake marriage part is pretty great.” I peeked at her as she went to the fridge to get some drinks.

“It’s been good practice. Although I’m not sure what it says that I’m the only one working and you’re the one here cleaning and cooking and all that.” I turned around to face her.

“What’s wrong with that? I’m not working right now. The least I can do is stuff around here while you’re at work. And it’s not like we’re sharing money. All the money you have is yours.” I didn’t expect any sort of money from her, even if she had a repayment plan and was insisting on starting it as soon as she graduated.

“I don’t know. You’re already giving me all this money and you let me move in and everything. I feel like I’m mooching.”

“Cara Lynne, we have already been over this, time and time again. You’re not going to convince me that you’re an evil moocher, so stop it.” I pointed my spatula at her to emphasize my words.

She popped the top of her soda and sipped silently.

“I can’t help the way I feel, Loren,” she said. “The little voice in my head likes to whisper mean things to me sometimes.”

“Fuck the little voice. The little voice is an asshole who should mind their own business.” I would punch the little voice if I could.

“Thanks, Lo,” she said, setting down her soda and opening her arms to me. I walked into them and snuggled against her. I loved the way her hair smelled and was always so shiny and silky. Mine was always a hot frizzy mess, no matter what the weather. It was especially horrible in the humidity, like right now.

I let myself hold her until I remembered the food and turned off the heat just in time so nothing burned. Cara got out plates and we went to her bedroom to eat. We’d also decided to buy a small table and chairs to eat at. No idea where we were going to put them, but Cara was going to do apartment Tetris and make it work.