I shred those drawings as soon as they are done and ball up the paper in shaky hands. I’m not supposed to still want Ash. The one who kissed me and then ignored me for so long; who broke my heart long before the accident.
My subconscious’s playing dirty games and I don’t like it one bit.
We were best friends once. We were neighbors, practically next door, only one house separating us. Asher’s family moved in when I was nine. While I rarely saw Ash’s big brother Tyler, for the next five years Ash and I were inseparable. Ash stayed at my house more often than he did in his. We played and talked and shared secrets.
At least I did. Ash was always quiet. He listened a lot, and smiled. He did tell me of his dreams for the future. Whereas mine were wild, typical childhood dreams of becoming a famous singer and actress, his were modest. Very grown-up. He wanted to be a gymnast. He was good at sports, especially running. I used to like that.
Until he ran away from me.
***
Tessa comes to pick me up after classes a couple of weeks later. She waves from behind the wheel of her Jeep Cherokee and grins as I open the door and climb in beside her.
“What’s up, girl?” She high-fives me and hums a tune under her breath.
“Why so hyper today?”
“I met a real nice guy in math class.” She pulls off the curb and executes a u-turn. I assume we’re going to her favorite cafe: Indie Coffee, the place to get the best waffles in town. “He’s so cute. He asked for my number.”
I don’t know what’s up with me today, but I blurt the first thing that comes to my mind. “And what about Dylan?”
Her smile falls. “What about him?”
It’s as if nothing has changed since we were in high school: Tessa making out with every cute boy available to avoid facing the truth.
“Tess, you’ve been in love with Dylan since you were twelve.”
Yeah, my mouth is still on autopilot. I vow to keep it shut for the rest of the evening.
“You’re in a mood today.” She makes a face at me. “I thought we agreed that Dylan and me—not gonna happen again and... Oh shit.”
“What?”
“Forgot. We can’t go to Indie Coffee. I told Zane and Dylan we’d meet them at the Sunroom Cafe.”
I frown. I was looking forward to having a quiet coffee with Tess, and although I like Zane, he reminds me too much of Ash; of seeing him at the party a few weeks ago.
“So this boy,” Tessa says, driving like a madwoman, as always. “His name’s Andrew, and he’s hot. Burn-your-sheets hot. And—”
“Blond, blue-eyed, and used to be a quarterback?” I wink at her.
She scowls. “Audrey...”
It’s funny. Her boyfriends—or rather her crushes, since she never seems to settle down with a boy for more than a few days—always look like Dylan.
Then again, I can’t talk. All of mine look like Ash. So yeah, in fact it’s not funny at all.
“Hey, did you hear a word I said?” Tessa throws me a sidelong look full of suspicion. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing,” I lie.
“Do you mind meeting Zane?”
“No, of course not.” And I need my caffeine shot. I plan on working late on a French language project tonight. “He’s a nice guy.”
“Yeah, he is. A loyal friend. And quite the looker.”
It’s my turn to eye her suspiciously. “You’re not trying to set me up with Zane, are you?”