“You think what?”
“That he’s been in pain.”
“Melodramatic much?” I bend over and shift the frozen pea bag on my ankle. “He’s a man. They don’t really do feelings.”
Tess rolls her eyes. “Not every boy is an asshole, you know. Just because you dated the worst...”
I give her shoulder a little shove. “Okay, fine, let’s be serious. He’s in pain. Sure.”
She chews on her lower lip, those baby blues turning thoughtful. “You really don’t know much abo
ut Ash, do you?”
I open my mouth to retort, to say, sure I do—after all, we were neighbors for years, as well as friends and classmates.
But the truth is, Tess is right yet again. I barely know Ash anymore. I hardly remember Ash’s older brother, Tyler. Or his mother. I know practically nothing about them. About him. All I remember is that he was trouble at school and in the neighborhood, but I have no idea about his personal life.
Come on, Audrey, think. I can’t appear so clueless. Tessa will never let me live it down.
“I remember hearing his mother was sick at some point.” I try to recall more. When had that been? I guess after he kissed me and then started getting into fights, missing classes and ignoring me. By then I’d made a point of not asking about him and ignoring any news I heard.
Yeah, I’d been upset.
“She died. Two years ago. Leukemia.”
I gape. Don’t know what to say. “Oh god. That’s awful. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t Dylan tell me?”
“Seriously?” Tessa rolls her eyes. “You forbade either of us to even speak Ash’s name, remember?”
Oh dear god. I cover my eyes with my hands as if that would make me disappear. I wish the earth would swallow me.
“Hey.” Tessa gently lowers my hands. “It’s okay, girl. You were depressed. You needed time. We get that. Don’t blame yourself.”
But it’s not okay.
“There’s more,” Tessa says, and I tense.
“More?”
“His father drinks. Always has. But after Ash’s mom got sick and later died, it got worse. And then came the accident, and...” Tessa shrugs, her face sad. “Things didn’t get any better.”
I shiver. I remember Ash’s dad clearly. A huge guy with a beard, built like a tank, his nose crooked from having been broken too many times in the ring. A famous ex boxer. A brooding, quiet man. Ash never talked about him.
His dad should be rotting in prison, but isn’t, because of extenuating circumstances. I don’t know what they are. So unfair.
“Think about calling Ash, okay? Promise me?” Tessa takes a sip of her cocoa, looking as serious as I’ve ever seen her. “At least so he knows you don’t blame him for the accident. Zane says he’s been blaming himself enough.”
He has? Holy crap. Now I feel like ten kinds of a bitch. “I’ll think about it. Seriously.”
She gets up and lifts my bag onto the couch next to me, then brings me my books and my laptop. “Good. Now do your homework, rest, and I’ll pick you up in the morning, okay?”
I nod. So much to think about.
But long after Tessa leaves, having made me promise to go out that Saturday night and not to shut her out again, I stare at my cell, undecided.
Should I call Ash? What am I going to say?
Hey, you left without saying goodbye.