What’s this club where he’s going tonight? The Bulldog. Why isn’t he telling me more? Why is he getting into fights again? I thought that was a thing of the past. I stood up for him against my mom, telling her he changed. He was so gentle with me, I never thought he’d be different with other people.
Curled up on my sofa, I draw trees and flowers, houses and streets. On top of them, I sketch a face frame by wild dark hair and a wolf’s eyes, wounded and yet fierce.
I drop my pencil and stare at Ash’s face.
This isn’t helping me understand. I need to discuss this with someone—what happened between me and Ash and how to handle it. Talking to Mom is out of the question; she already dislikes Ash. Dakota is great but I feel like our friendship still isn’t the kind where I can open up about things like this. I don’t have that many friends in this town yet. I left for a couple years and returned a stranger.
I certainly can’t talk about it to the guys. Dylan is great, but he’s a man. Plus, I know now he resents Ash for my sake. Add to that the fact he rarely seems to be around lately and...
That leaves Tessa. To be honest, she was the only option from the start. I want to tell her about Ash, and about my first time—how it hurt and was so amazing at the same time. There had been no blood. Should there be? I’m not sure.
I need advice on so many levels. I need my best friend.
I call her as evening falls. She sounds distracted, but tells me to meet her for a drink at Hawk’s Bar and Grill on State Street. Before she hangs up, a sob escapes her.
Worry fills me, making me forget about my own concerns. What’s wrong? Not bothering to change into nicer clothes or wear make-up, I pull on my coat and walk to the bar.
Tessa’s already waiting for me at a table, a beer bottle sitting in front of her. Green light spills from the overhead fixtures, and it makes her face look gaunt and kinda scary.
“Tess? What’s up?”
She lifts her beer and takes a long gulp. It’s then I notice more bottles next to her. Christ, how long has she been here, drinking?
“Hey...” Her voice slurs. “Audrey.”
I get a good look at her teary eyes and grip her arm. Suddenly my own concerns flee my head. “What happened?”
“You wanted to talk about...?”
“Forget about me. No rush. Something happened back at home, didn’t it?” I sit next to her. “Tell me.”
“Just the usual.”
“Can’t believe that. Look at you. What did your parents come up with this time?”
And the floodgates open. Tears mixed with mascara run down Tessa’s cheeks, leaving black tracks. “They want me to move to Chicago, study law and go out with Sean. Even after what he did to me, Aud! They just won’t believe me—about what happened with him, what I want, what I need. They spent every minute of the day telling me how bad my choices are and what I should be doing. And all the while Sean was there—as a guest! They sat him next to me, insisted we dance, insisted we go out...”
Christ. Nothing new there. Tessa’s parents are an overwhelming lot. Rich and powerful lawyers themselves, they want Tessa to copy their every movement, pursue a career she doesn’t give a damn about, marry a guy who hurt her, have a crappy marriage and sprout one point five kids like everyone in their circle.
They started the cycle with her older sister, Mary, but Mary moved away and cut all contact with the family as soon as she turned eighteen. The focus naturally shifted to Tessa who, if anything, is more of a rebel than her sister.
But too much pressure can break anyone. Worst of all, Tessa loves her family, and I’m sure they love her, too. They just can’t see past their own ideals and ambitions.
I ask for a Sprecher Dopple Bock and sip the slightly sour, fruity beer. Tessa has never told me in detail what happened with Sean, but what I know isn’t good.
“It’s so hard to keep arguing and resisting,” she whispers, clutching her beer. “It’d be so much easier to just give in, you know? Stop fighting it.”
“But you don’t want to be a lawyer. Or move to Chicago. And you most definitely don’t want to go out with Sean again.”
She shudders. “God, no. If I lay eyes on him in the next ten years it will be too soon.”
“What happened with him, Tess? Do you think you can tell me?”
She shakes her head. “Another time.”
She always says that.
I know she dated him a few years ago, back when were in high school and she spent the summer with her parents in Chicago.