“What for?”
“For this. For sending you guys on a wild goose chase, when it was all in my mind. When I thought I saw…” He winces, rubs his forehead. “God fuck, I thought I saw him again.”
“When?”
“Today. As I came out…out near the psychiatrist’s building. That car…the sedan, and then I started to run.” He turns toward me, his dark eyes so wide there’s more white than pupil. “I ran until I couldn’t fucking breathe. I could fucking swear the car was following me, and then I could hear him running behind me, could feel his fucking hands on me, smell the burnt flesh… Dammit, Ash, I ran like hell, and he was still behind me, and I… I don’t remember how it all ended.”
He’s panting like he’s still running.
I scrub a hand over my eyes. “That lady found you hiding behind a dumpster.”
“Fuck.”
Yeah. “What about these? The bruises, the…” I gesture at his T-shirt. “The blood.”
He blinks down at his shirt and swallows hard. “Fuck if I know.” He runs his hand over the stains. It’s shaking like an old man’s.
“Maybe you fell?” I try to gather my thoughts. “You had a goddamn flashback. When was the last time you had one?”
“I don’t…” He shakes his head. “Last time. Last time I saw the car. Two weeks ago?”
“So that car is a trigger, for some reason.”
“It’s not… I don’t know anymore. I’m fucking crazy, Ash. Batshit. Fit for the straitjacket. Don’t you see?”
“Z-man…”
But he shoots to his feet and starts pacing, running his hands over the shaved sides of his head in agitation. “I shouldn’t be around Dakota, shouldn’t be around the baby. What if I hurt them, what if I zone out and put them in danger? Fuck. What if I think I’m being attacked and lash out, what if—?”
“Zane.” Fuck this shit. In two strides I’m in his face, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. “Snap out of it. You’re not crazy. And you’re not hurting anyone besides yourself.”
That’s a fucking lie, of course. He’s hurting us all, but hey, it’s not like he has a choice in the matter.
“Tell me about this car.” I haul him back to the sofa and drop his ass there, prepared to wrangle him back down if he tries to go. “Where did you see it? Was there anything else, anything you remember?”
“Why are you still asking me?” he bites out the question, the knot in his throat working. “What’s the fucking use? I’ll take the fucking pills and stay low until my brain either shuts down or explodes.”
“Zane,” I draw a shallow breath, “listen to me, goddammit. You’re not crazy. Something doesn’t add up here, and I’ll find it. Gimme the folder you got from the agency. I’ll check the papers again.”
“Shut up, fucker.” But a light flickers in his dark gaze. “You’ll find jack shit.”
“Maybe so. Give it to me.”
“Shut up,” he says again, more quietly this time. “I’m off my rocker. You’re wasting your time. It’s all in my mind.”
But what if, after all, it’s not?
Chapter Fifteen
Audrey
“So what was the fight about?” I glance at Tessa over the rim of my cup and sip at my spiced chai latte. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You and Dylan.”
We’re at the mall with the other girls and babies, but I’ve kidnapped Tessa for a bit, trying to get her to talk to me. She’s been drifting like a sad ghost, and I can’t stand seeing her like this.
Seeing more of my friends in pain.
“Told, you, I don’t even really know.” She turns her tiny espresso cup around and around in its saucer.