Dakota
The baby’s thin wail wakes me up in the middle of the night, and I open my eyes with Zane’s breath on the back of my neck and his arms around me. He’s spooning me, covering as much of me as possible with his naked body, his chest pressing into my spine every time he inhales.
I smile in the dark, happy. He stayed in our bed, and he’s in such deep sleep he doesn’t stir as I get up.
Sending him an affectionate glance, loving how peaceful he looks, I hurry to pick up Lee.
Images of last night flash through my mind as I feed him, and my face heats up, a hard throb starting between my legs. God, it felt good to have his mouth and hands on me again, in me, giving me pleasure.
And seeing him come apart like that… So damn hot.
It almost broke my heart to tiny pieces when he had the panic attack, when frustration and self-loathing filled his beautiful eyes.
But he trusted me. He let me take care of him.
He loves me. I know it, but seeing him put himself in my hands like that is an incredible feeling. I’ll always cherish his faith in me. I won’t let him down.
I’m so frigging glad that throughout this difficult time he didn’t start cutting himself again or drinking himself to death. It gave me hope from the start that he’d pull through okay.
Lee quiets eventually, and I put him back in his crib, then reach back to rub my lower back. My back injury from years ago flared up a little with the pregnancy, and it still bothers me from time to time. What I need is…
Warm, big hands drop on my hips, and I barely stifle a yelp. “Oh God.”
“You keep calling me that.” Zane’s sleep-drenched, sexy voice rumbles with a hint of laughter. “And you might again after I massage your back.”
My head rolls forward on a sigh when he rubs his hands over the painful spot, he digs in his thumbs expertly, massaging. “Thank you.”
“Why don’t we go back to bed? Lie down and let me take care of you.”
Tears prickle my eyes. “That’d be nice. I just…”
“Sh.” He turns me around, gathers me close. “I told you, girl. I’m so fucking sorry I haven’t been there for you. I’ll do all I can to get better.”
And I believe him.
His courage and strength always amaze me. If anything, now I love him more than ever. I wish I could help him more, but I guess it will take time. Patience is a small thing compared to having him back, healthy and happy.
***
Zane is at Damage Control. He has quite a few appointments today, and he’s deemed himself well enough to work. I know it’s part of his own private battle with his demons, convincing himself he’ll be okay, that he’s back to normal.
Only he isn’t, not yet, and I worry.
Then again, what’s new?
I’m sitting with the girls, making plans. The weddings are coming up in a couple of weeks, and college is starting. We’re looking at our schedules—work, school, doctor appointments—trying to work out a system so two of us at a time can look after the kids and babies, allowing all of us to slowly resume our activities as much as possible.
I already know I won’t be studying full-time this year. There’s no way, not even with my mom and the girls helping out. The Damage girls and boys have also offered to babysit on occasion, and it makes me laugh when I remember their faces that day we left the kids with them. They’d been terrified.
Looks like they liked it, though, after all.
Tessa is sitting with us. She says she has cut down on her work hours quite a lot to have more time for her family, and Audrey teases her mercilessly that she’s pregnant and hiding it from us.
I shake my head, laughing, as I switch Lee to my other breast. “She just doesn’t want you to be the first girl in the group to get married without showing, Tess.”
“She wasn’t pregnant when she got married!”
“That’s because I’d already had a baby.”