Jesse (Damage Control 2)

“It’s summer, Kay. Frigging warm, too.”

“Yes, but Jesse Lee sent a girl roses.” She winks. “Today’s date should be engraved in stone for future generations.”

I shake my head, suddenly pissed with this charade. “He kissed a girl right in front of me. Some stupid roses won’t make me forgive him.”

“Twelve roses.” She waves the bouquet at me, as if I didn’t notice it. “White. Beautiful roses.”

Huffing, I plop onto the couch. I’m pissed, but okay, I’m also a tiny bit in awe of the roses. Never received flowers from a boy before, and I’m slightly giddy.

A pity I hate him right now. He disgusts me. He sucks.

Oh God, I’m going to start bawling again. No way. I pull my laptop toward me, log in, absently check the updates of my Chicago friends. “You were right. I should never have slept with him. I was being stupid.”

“He’s hot. Told you I would’ve slept with him in a heartbeat.” She sinks on the sofa next to me. “The trick is not to fall in love.”

Yeah. Piece of cake. I click on my inbox to check my emails. I do that every morning, a habit I picked up a year ago because of assignments.

“You’ve never fallen in love, then?” I scroll down. “Ever?”

“Of course not. Love is too much work.”

I glance at the roses, left by Kayla on the low coffee table. “Gifts are a sign of a guilty conscience, right?”

“The only signs I know are star signs. Besides, Micah gives Ev gifts all the time, and I don’t think he’s feeling guilty for leaving hickeys on her neck. I think… Hey!” She suddenly picks the laptop off my lap and stares at it. “Did you see that?”

“No, because you took my laptop away. See what, Kay?”

“Customers! You got customers!”

“What?” We wrestle for the laptop and I win. I settle it back in my lap and check out the emails.

Customers. She’s right. People who want to order my jewelry. And not just my friends from Chicago. Unknown people. People whose names I’ve never heard of before.

Whoa. Unbelievable.

The bracelets seem to be a success. The earrings, too.

Holy crap. I stare at the emails, Kayla squealing beside me like a piglet, and all I can see in my mind’s eye is the pendant I wanted to give Jesse.

Why not? No matter what, despite my anger and misery, I want him to be okay, and if that pendant helps him fight his demons…

Damn. If I make money from my jewelry, and maybe return to college and study art, then I’ll have achieved my goal. This is what I came here for, to make it work, make my dreams come true and to stand on my own two feet.

Talking of dreams… A hot flush travels up my neck. No, I won’t think of dreams of Jesse right now, or the half-formed dreams I had of being with him.

I’m here. The older me would have turned and run. Run back to Chicago and my parents, the new-found safety, the cocoon they built around me.

Don’t get me wrong. I honestly believe they saved my life by moving away. My thoughts were very dark back then, and I wouldn’t trust myself not to harm myself. There had been moments life had held no meaning. Wasn’t worth living.

But they pulled me out of it—took me far from the bullies, found me a good therapist, kept watch over me. Kept me sane, kept me alive.

And if falling for Jesse was like tumbling down the rapids with no life vest on, and if hitting the rocks hurt, that only means I’ve let go of the life line, and I’m paddling now on my own. Life can hurt. But unless you let go, you can’t really live it.

I won’t regret my time with Jesse.

God, thinking of him in the past tense hurts too much, so instead I click open the page of the University of Madison and check to see what I need to do for my transfer.

***