She thought he wanted it.
You want it, bitch. You know you like it. Stop your yelling. Shut your mouth. Shut—
“Yeah, and I mean Cassie helped her get together with Seth. Manon vouches for her.”
Vouches. How? What? That she won’t try to hook up with Jesse again? It makes no fucking sense.
And why is Dakota saying this to me?
“So if you agree, like, if you’d vouch for Cassie as well, then I’ll invite her.”
“How the fuck can I know what Cassie will do—and invite her where?” I narrow my eyes at Dakota. What the hell’s going on here?
“To the party.”
“What party?” Jesus fucking Christ. What’s with these guys and parties? Isn’t that something students do?
Then again… some of them are students. I keep forgetting not everyone’s struggling to keep afloat like me.
“Our wedding reception. Wedding. Zane and me. Getting married. Does that ring any bells?” She arches a brow and strikes a pose like a rock star, one arm stretched over her head. When I gape at her, she frowns and lets her arm drop. “Seriously, you didn’t know? How’s that possible? We even have a poster up!”
She’s pointing at something, so I turn and stare at a poster on the wall by the door.
“We’re getting married! Come to our wedding! Bring your friends!”
Shit. “That’s… in two weeks.”
“Yes, it is!” She snickers. “Why do you think Zane’s so frigging stressed?”
Because I keep fucking up my training?
“Right. Well, it’s fine by me,” I say.
“Huh?” She’s staring at me like I spoke Klingon. “Fine with what?”
“Inviting Cassie.” Since my opinion apparently matters. “To your wedding.”
“Awesome!” She hops from foot to foot, wiggles her fingers at me and skips toward the back of the shop, throwing over her shoulder a, “See you there, then.”
I nod, distracted at the thought of seeing Cassie again, at a wedding of all places.
Every time she leaves with a random guy, it’s like a punch to the gut. Partly because I’m scared for her, and partly because I want it to be me.
And then what, Shane? You take her to your apartment and then what? You play videogames? You watch TV?
Oh wait—you’ll take her to your bed?
Are you ready? Can you do it? Won’t you freak out and scare the living shit out of her? Lose her forever?
At least now we’re sort of friends. It’s something. It’s more than I’ve had since prison. Since I was broken and left scattered, unable to be put back together again.
Anyway, sure, I’ll show at the wedding. Zane’s the reason I’m here, the reason I’ve made it this far. He’s the one who took Seth and me off the streets, at a time when I couldn’t see a way out. So fuck yeah, I’ll go to his wedding. I’d do anything for the guy.
And as for the reception afterward… I’ll get my hands on some booze, get shitfaced and find a corner to hide. At least, that’s the plan.
***
Pulling off my gloves, I unlock the door. The door creaks as I push it open. It’s cold inside my small apartment, the empty walls and second-hand furniture so familiar and yet foreign. After living here alone for so long, I still don’t feel the place as my own. Still don’t feel comfortable in my skin.