“We would’ve visited sooner,” Audrey says as I distribute the napkins and arrange the kids at the coffee table to keep the spillover on the carpet to a certain minimum. “But life has been sort of crazy these past months.”
I nod. I know. First Ash almost died from his dad’s fists, and then was knifed and left in the cold, because the underground fighting ring he worked for thought he’d betrayed them. His dad died, and then his long lost brother, Tyler, returned, and healing that relationship took time. Then, just when things had calmed down a little, Zane’s sister died, and Zane went off the deep end, drinking himself into a coma and barely coming out of it alive.
Crazy doesn’t even begin to cover it.
“It’s not like I’ve been around much, either,” I offer by way of apology, and it does nothing to lift the weight of guilt off my shoulders.
Audrey puts down her slice of pizza. Her eyes are very bright. “It’s okay, Dyl. We understand.”
Do they? I glance at Ash, but he’s busy sipping from his beer, a frown on his face. Maybe Audrey does, but Ash?
I should apologize to him, I think, and not for the first time. Yet, like every time, I hold my tongue and grab my own beer instead, taking a long swig.
Damn. “So what’s new?”
“There’s a chance Ash might get a sports scholarship for college,” Audrey says, her eyes shining. She looks so proud of him.
Ash’s cheeks color. “It’s not sure yet. But if I do get it, I’m keeping my job at the sports center. It could work out.”
“That’s excellent, man. Fucking awesome. So pleased for you.” And I mean it. I hope he can hear it in my voice.
It seems he does, because he smiles and nods.
We eat in silence for a while. The pizza is good, and I inhale mine in record time. I catch Audrey’s eyes on me and force myself to slow down, my ears burning. But then I see that Ash has also demolished his, and it makes me feel better.
A glance at Teo shows his face covered in ketchup. He’s drawing designs on the table top with the sauce, and I swallow a sigh. Miles is munching thoughtfully, and the look is too old for his small face.
How do I get a stubborn ten-year-old to open up and tell me who’s bullying him? Miles changed a lot over this past year. Since Dad left, he became more distant. I get why, but I also need to take care of him—and not knowing what’s going on isn’t helping.
“You know, Dyl,” Audrey says quietly. “Tessa would have liked to help out, but—”
“No,” I snap. The word cracks like a gunshot. Even Teo looks at me, his mouth open. “No,” I say more calmly. “She won’t know what to do.”
“Seriously, man?” Ash throws me a disgusted look. “How long will you stay on your high horse, judging people?”
; “My high horse?”
“Yeah. You don’t know her. You should see her with Jax. She’s a fucking natural. Having money doesn’t mean she’s useless, you know.”
Fuck. Ash is right. Besides… That’s not the real reason I don’t want Tessa to come over, and I’m well aware of that. I just can’t invite her here. Not only because of the comparisons she’ll draw—this hovel against her high-end apartment—but also because I can’t trust myself around her. I try and keep away, avoid looking at her whenever she’s around, but it’s hard. Having her here… My control is weakening in each and every way.
“Did she say she wanted to visit?” I ask.
“Should she fucking beg for the privilege?” Ash drawls, his hand tightening around the beer can until it starts to crunch.
“Ash…” Audrey puts a hand on his arm. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” His gaze nails me, cold and angry.
Fuck. I guess there’s no putting off my apology any longer.
“Listen, Ash.” I glance at my brothers, and I’m glad to see they seem more interested in the pizza than my confessions. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, that’s good,” he cuts in before I get another word out. “But, right now, it’s not me you should be apologizing to.”
I grimace. “Right.”