To love someone for so long, to finally lose hope only to find it again, find out he has loved me all along… “The best.”
I call my mom as I finish up for the day. Darkness is already gathering outside. Winter is at the doorstep, the days growing shorter, but it doesn’t scare me.
Not anymore.
“Oh, honey, I was going to call you, but with everything going on,” my mom chirps on the phone, “it totally slipped my mind. Getting a divorce is a nightmare! I’m right here in Madison. We should go for a coffee today so I can tell you all about it.”
I listen with half an ear at my mom’s adventures with her lawyer. She’s so talkative. Talkative. My mom, who never spoke unless to agree with my dad. It’s amazing and a little bit disconcerting. She talks about the house and how moving out is such a hassle—which reminds me.
“I need to move, too, Mom, find a cheaper apartment. You said something about a fund in my name?”
“A fund, why yes. I told you, didn’t I? We only need to go together, you with your ID and I with mine, and it’s all yours. To use wisely, of course.” A pause. “You sure you want to move out, honey?”
“Yeah. That apartment’s too expensive. I can’t afford it. Besides, I don’t need such luxury. I might even sell the jeep and buy something cheaper.”
“Are you sure about this, Tessa?” Mom’s not happy with this, I can tell, but she only sighs theatrically. “It’s your life and your money. I’m not going to tell you what to do. Both of us had enough of that with your father.”
No arguing there. “Tell you what, Mom. Why don’t we meet at the bank, and then we go for coffee?”
After a hesitation, she agrees, and I set off to meet her. One by one, the pieces of my life will fall into place.
***
Mom waits for me outside the bank. We enter together and activate the account. Mom hugs me afterward, and I hug her back. I tell her I missed her, and it’s sort of true. I’ve never really been close to my parents, either of them. They’re more like distant relations to me, and meeting with them has always been painful and stressful.
This version of Mom… I don’t think I’ve ever met her before. She’s a completely different person. It makes me sad to think she had a mask on for my whole life, a persona that wasn’t really her, to please my father.
“Mom…” I pause outside the bank. There are so many things I want to ask her, things I need to know. “When you fell in love with Dad, how did he treat you? Did he tell you how pretty you are? How he likes your style, or your interests?”
She shoves her hands in the pockets of her fur-lined coat, and gives me a long, measuring look. “He said I was pretty, but he tried to change me, like he tried to change you. He wanted me to do my hair up, dye it, fix my nose, plump up my lips. He wanted me to wear this or that dress, those shoes, that underwear. Then he didn’t like the magazines I read, and said I should read the same books he liked.” She shifts from foot to foot. “Hon, it was a slow process. I wanted so much to please him, hear praise from his lips. But his compliments became fewer and between, while his demands and bad moods increased. I should have left him many years ago.”
“Oh, Mom…” I link my arm through hers, and together we cross the avenue. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It was my mistake, and God knows you also suffered from it. You fighting back inspired me to do the same.” She withdraws a hand from her pocket to squeeze my arm and smiles at me. “You’re stronger than me. You won’t make the same mistake. Never let anyone dictate what you should do. Deep inside,” she taps my breastbone, “you know who really loves you, who’s honest and who’s lying to you. Trust your instincts. They’re better than mine.”
“Mom…” We stop when we reach our cars. “I’m going to move in with Dylan. You remember him. Dylan Hayes?”
“That boy who dumped you in school?” She frowns. “Honey…”
“You said to trust my instincts. We’re back together, Mom, and I love him. He loves me. He asked me to move in with him, and I said yes.”
Or rather, showed him my agreement in other ways, and the memory of our wild lovemaking on his bed sends warmth up my neck.
“Tessa.” She strokes a hand down my cheek. “If you’re sure, honey, then I’m happy for you and him.”
“He’s not rich or anything,” I say, because I need to hash this out now. “He’s quite poor, but I—”
“Money isn’t everything. I should know.” A trace of bitterness laces her voice. “Nothing can replace true love. If you found it, keep it.”
That’s what I intend to do.
***
Since the reunion with Mom went well, I decide to tackle my apartment in one go. What are the odds that Sean is still waiting for me, after so many days? I’ll probably never even set eyes on him again.
That’s my hope.
As I drive down the familiar route to my apartment, past the building, I check. No sign of Sean’s car. The relief makes me giddy. I swipe my card for the underground parking lot.