I don’t know what to tell her. I don’t know where to start. “He’s great. He’s just…” Familiar heat floods my face.
“Oh God, you’re in love with him, aren’t you? I knew it.”
I don’t know where to run and hide. “I’m so not.”
“Sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Good.” She still looks worried, but she smiles. “You can’t fall in love so quickly, Ev. It’s dangerous, especially with these gorgeous ones. They change girls like socks.”
I make a face. Micah doesn’t seem that kind of guy… Does he? I mean, he is gorgeous but…
“Which is why you should go in with your eyes open,” she goes on, eyes bright. She really believes this stuff. “Have fun, but don’t be exclusive.”
Not be… I blink. I realize with a jolt I don’t really know Cassie at all. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. The main thing is, is he good at sex?” Cassie asks, her face serious.
I gape at her for a good five seconds. In the end I give in. “Yeah, he’s…” I wave a hand.
“Big?”
I can’t help it. I start laughing.
“What? It’s an important question!”
“Yeah, I guess he’s big. God, Cassie.” I wipe at my eyes. “Don’t tell me. You’ve checked Jesse’s package out already, haven’t you?”
She shrugs, a glint in her eyes. “I won’t lie to you. It’s pretty much outstanding.”
I laugh again. I can’t believe this discussion. “You blush like a little girl when you talk about Jesse, but have no trouble talking about his size. Isn’t there something wrong with this picture?”
“Size, sex… These things are normal. It’s just that…” She tucks her hair behind her ears. “Well, Jesse, he’s…”
“He’s what?”
She sighs. “I don’t know. Hard to read, I guess. Joking about, fucking all those girls…”
I wince. “Uh-oh.”
Cassie goes on, seemingly oblivious. “Every night he has a different girl, and I kinda know if I approached him he’d sleep with me, you know?”
Do I? This all sounds so strange to me. If Micah slept with other girls… Just the thought makes my hands curl into firsts, even though I know realistically that he must have had girls before he met me. After all, he seems to know what he’s doing.
“And normally I wouldn’t mind,” Cassie says.
I struggle to follow. “You wouldn’t mind being a one-night stand for Jesse?”
“Exactly. I wouldn’t mind.” Her voice has gone a little husky, and her eyes glitter. I can’t read the emotions in them. “But I can’t. Not with him. There’s something about him that won’t let me.”
“Like what?”
“Like he’s cracked
, like a glass that looks whole, but if you press it too hard it will shatter,” she whispers, and a shudder runs through me.
Because Micah also seemed ready to break this morning, and the things he said about his past are lurking in a corner of my mind, waiting for me to examine them. Darkness, pain, sorrow. It hurts to know he’s been through that, and yet I’m happy he trusted me enough to tell me.