I blink, at a loss. “Water?”
“And falling.” He marches me backward until the back of my legs hits the sofa, and then he’s lowering me on it, bending over me. His arms tighten around me, so that I’m suspended for a moment over the cushions, before he gently settles me on top.
“I…” He’s propped with one arm on the backrest, the other next to my head, gazing down at me. His eyes are soft with curiosity, velvet black. In the late afternoon light seeping through the window, the strong line of his jaw and his dark brows are deep shadows, his mouth a tempting curve.
“See, I’ve met your family, and they’re fucking crazy. Good people. They didn’t mistreat you. You’re not sick and dying. Apart from a small surgical scars on your back and right arm, I don’t see any evidence of violence. So I’m missing something.” He lowers his face until his lips brush my cheek. “Why the hell did you want a dragon tattoo? I’d say you were just teasing me, but there’s more, isn’t there?”
I nod, unable to speak.
“You don’t scare easily. In fact, you’re fearless.” He gazes at me solemnly, not asking. Stating a fact. I like his conviction, even though it’s not true. “You have to be, to be with me.”
“I’m not fearless.”
“You’re afraid of falling…and of water.” He’s still gazing at me, and it’s like a warm caress. “You said someone pushed you. An ex-boyfriend.”
“Collin. My ex-boyfriend.”
His eyes narrow, and his mouth flattens. “But it doesn’t explain why you’re so scared of the water. Something happened to you, babe. What was it?”
Babe. I smile. I’m not fond of pet names, but it sounds so good, coming from him. It grounds me, reminds me it’s time I told him everything. Not just because I owe him for opening up to me as he did, but because I want him to know all about me.
Besides… We’re now marked by one experience in common. We’ve both survived it and are here now, together.
Zane lowers himself by my side, an elbow planted on the sofa, the other coming to rest over my stomach. “You okay?”
“You want to know why I stay away from the lake when we go to the park and from the pools at pool parties,” I whisper. “Why I freaked out when I was almost dropped into the pool. Why I’m so scared if nobody tried to drown me when I was a child.”
Like they did to you.
He winces and buries his face in my neck. “Yeah. I want to know, even if you think it’s stupid and unimportant. It’s important to me.”
My throat closes at his admission. I reach up and stroke the side of his head. He’s shaved it again, and there’s a small white scar there I never noticed before. So much I want to ask him. I want to know everything about him.
“Collin and I dated for a year. He played in a punk rock band, and I auditioned. That’s how we met. I was fourteen. He was seventeen. I loved his tattoos.”
“Mine are better,” Zane says, muffled in my neck.
I laugh. “Yeah, they are.”
I feel him smile on my skin. “Go on.”
“It was a weird relationship. I wasn’t picked for the band, but we still mostly met during their rehearsals, concerts and parties. He never kissed me. We…” I stare up at the ceiling. “We had sex a couple of times. In the bars where they played, in the bathrooms. He had me stand and took me from behind.”
Zane stiffens and lifts his head. “Hot damn. If I’d known… Did he hurt you?”
I shake my head. Not really. Nor had it been pleasant. “I thought it was normal. He was a musician. A bad boy. He was older. He was busy and didn’t have much time for me. He was my first boyfriend.”
Zane’s hand inches up from my stomach and rests between my breasts. “What did the fucker do apart from throwing you into a pool?”
I swallow hard. “I found out he cheated on me. Well, as he put it, we never did say we were dating, so technically he wasn’t cheating on me. Just fucking. He fucked every female in the vicinity, including me.”
Zane’s eyes narrow, darkening to charcoal black. His jaw clenches so tight his teeth grit together. “Motherfucker.”
“I was so upset. I thought I loved him.” I frown. “I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. With the idea of him falling for me. Anyway, I was disappointed and confronted him during the party after one of their concerts. We had an argument. He was drunk. He pushed me into the pool and…”
I inhale and force the words out. “The pool was very shallow. I hit my head and back on the bottom. I don’t remember the details. I think I remember floating underwater, unable to move, panicking. But it may be dreams I remember. Doctors said I lost consciousness the moment my head cracked on the tiles of the pool bottom.”
“Christ, Dakota.” Zane’s breathing picks up, and his hand slides up to my throat, to my jaw, cupping it. “Were you okay?”