“I had to make one up on the fly, okay? What is your middle name anyway? And the main question is, why didn’t you stop him? Why didn’t you pin him to your bed and command him to tell you what he meant?”
“I tried. I told him I doubt it’s anything so bad. I asked him to tell me what it’s all about. He wouldn’t. He does that. Clams up so completely it’s like talking to a wall.” I hug my favorite cushion—one I made with blue satin and silver beads—and curl up on the sofa. “I hate it.”
And I hate myself. I don’t think I tried hard enough. I was in a bit of a shock. It sounded so bad, and it made me wonder how well I know him. How well we know anyone, ever.
“It sounds awful,” Amber says in sympathy, because she’s a sweet girl. I mean, she hasn’t told me she thinks I’m an idiot yet, although I bet she’s thinking it.
“It is awful. Every time I decide I won’t go looking for him, call him or visit, the more I want to see him, and hold him, kiss him. Get down and dirty with him. Comfort him. Jeez, what does that make me, Amber?”
“Confused?”
“For sure.”
“And in love?”
“Come on, be serious.” Heat rises to my face.
“I am.” Amber turns down the volume on the TV. It’s girls’ night, a rule we don’t strictly follow since Amber and Jesse Lee became an item, but it’s nice when she can make it. “Listen, Kay. You’re an intuitive person. You’ve said it yourself so many times. The cards, the tea leaves, the palm reading, that’s not magic. It’s intuition.”
“So what does that have to do with him?”
“A whole lot. Your sixth sense is telling you he’s not a bad buy. Hell, the whole brotherhood thinks he isn’t a bad guy. They’d be in for a shock if he was. Zane would lose his shit. He’s intuitive, too, you know. He’s collected amazing people around him. He hasn’t made one single mistake so far.”
“Yeah.” I glance at the muted TV set. “What if Ocean is his mistake? The exception that confirms the rule? What if he’s a serial killer or something?”
“Now you’re talking crazy.” She pops another popcorn into her mouth and chews. “Is he coming to the tattoo event?”
“I forgot all about it. Does he have a choice?”
“It’s a big thing, good promotion for the shop, good money to be made. Why wouldn’t he want to come?”
I think of his mom, who is sick. I wish I knew what’s wrong with her. How serious it is. I’m guessing it’s bad. I wish I could help.
But he won’t frigging talk to me! Crap. Come to think of it, he didn’t even tell me why he thought he was leaving, and why he decided to stay after all. Why he was so happy telling me about it.
“I just wish he’d talk to me,” I whisper.
“Maybe he’s going through a phase. I mean, he’s down on his luck lately. I heard about the accident. Sorry we couldn’t be there. These past weeks have been sort of crazy, but we found a place.” She claps a hand over her mouth, eyes going wide. “Oh my God, I didn’t tell you, did I? Forget about the studio, we found a one-bedroom apartment that’s perfect. You’ll love it.”
I squeal for her, although I’m bummed she’s moving out. Everyone keeps moving out. Ev, now Amber. “That’s awesome! Where is it?”
“Not far from the campus. And if Jason needs to crash somewhere, he can do it at our place. We’ll have space. It was sweet of Ocean to give him shelter at a time when he’s not doing so well himself. See, he’s a nice guy. Which is why you don’t believe he’s hiding something so terrible.”
Except for what he told me, about getting a child killed.
“Why do you think he’s not doing well? I mean, apart from what I told you, and the accident. Did Jesse say something?”
Amber rolls her eyes. “And then you claim you’re not in love with Ocean.”
“I’m not, okay? What’s so strange about asking what you mean when you’re being all vague and mysterious?”
Hon
estly.
She relents, although it’s obvious she doesn’t believe me. “It’s just the change in Ocean, you know? He won’t play pool anymore, or chase after chicks, or talk much. He drinks and broods. It’s not like him.”
I nod, a tightness in my throat. “He has his reasons.”