Ocean (Damage Control 5)

“Yeah, I hear you. Bad connection.”

“Where are you? Aunt Martha was looking for you.”

“That old cow didn’t notice I was gone for two days, Shun. That’s when she called me.”

“The fuck.” Anger fills me up, burning in my chest. “Why?”

“She never really cared. Why are you acting all surprised? She’s our old man’s sister.”

Fuck, that’s true. “I thought she took good care of you. Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

“Come on, Shun.” He huffs. “I was pissed at you. I still am.”

“Because I got your girlfriend killed.”

“Shit, you really don’t know me, do you? Livvy was my best friend, not my girlfriend. I don’t like girls that way, Shun.”

“Ah-huh.”

“Big fucking surprise, huh? How did you miss that? Oh wait, I know. Because you fucking gave me away and left me to rot at fucking Aunt Martha’s place.”

Jesus. “You know I sent you away for your own good.”

“Bullshit. We grew up together. We survived our folks. You can’t tell me—”

“I sent you away because the bad influence was me, all right?” I breathe out, try to steady my voice. “You were right. About everything. It was my fault, everything, and after our old man found out, he went ballistic. He threw me out, not two days after you were gone. I was living on the street for a long time, an

d then I got this job, and I was trying to make ends meet, and…” Why isn’t he saying anything? Fuck. “I wanted you here with me, R. But by the time I could offer you a place to stay, you wouldn’t even talk to me.”

More silence. I check my phone, to make sure the connection wasn’t cut.

“You’re not listening, Shun,” he says quietly just as I bring the phone back to my ear. “I was so damn pissed at you. I couldn’t see straight. You abandoned me, whatever your reasons, with that bitch, Martha. I thought we had each other’s backs. You betrayed me, or so I thought.”

“I wanted what’s best for you.” And damn if my voice doesn’t break down the middle. “I wanted you to have food, and clothes, and go to school. Fuck it.”

“Yeah.” He sighs. “Yeah, okay. At least you wouldn’t have hated me for being gay like our aunt did.”

I blink. “I’m gonna kill her.”

“No, Shun. Leave it be.” He’s quiet for a moment. “You got no problem with it, do you?”

“I suspected it sometimes, but couldn’t be sure. But why should I have a problem with it? As long as you use a condom and don’t sleep around. That shit’s dangerous.”

He laughs, a low, rolling sound I haven’t heard in, fuck, years. My knees buckle, and I sink on the sofa, next to Kayla’s blue sweater and gloves.

“R, you should come see Mom. She’s sick.”

“So you’ve said.”

“She has lupus. They ran tests.”

“I don’t care. And neither should you. Those people, they left us to starve, Shun. To die. They never gave a shit about us, and now you’re trying to save them?” The anger I’m used to hearing in his voice is back. “Fuck them.”

“Raine, come on, I—”

—I can’t. Can’t just forget about them.

But he’s already disconnected, leaving me with the familiar bitter taste of regret in my mouth.