But I’d been doing the opposite in way too many of my dreams ever since. Wanting him, hungering for his touch and a life I shouldn’t want with regret sitting heavy against my chest.
I open my eyes to find a worried face hovering above me. “Jonathan? What are you doing here?”
“I know it's bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony on your wedding day, but….” Jonathan’s bottom lip trembles as if he's on the verge of crying, and he clasps his long, elegant surgeon hands around mine. “I just had to be here when you woke up. I had to apologize.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask, “Apologize for what?” when memories from the previous night slid into my confused brain.
Ant showing up at the house Jonathan bought for us in Brandywine.
It’s not the yellow house I’d been imagining. Actually, he hadn't consulted with me on its purchase. He’d just presented it to me as an early wedding gift a couple of weeks ago once it was out of escrow.
But it is two stories and located in one of the best neighborhoods in Wilmington—a place I’ve dreamed of living ever since Mrs. Vera put the idea in my head. Besides, who turns her nose up at a whole house as a wedding gift? And who cared if it didn't fit the exact specifications of my dream home? I knew I was one lucky woman to have been chosen by a guy like Jonathan.
At least, I felt lucky until Ant showed up at the house, demanding to know why he hadn't been invited to the August wedding that Trudy, Jonathan’s mom, started planning as soon as her son popped the question last Christmas.
How had he even found out about the wedding? I'd only invited a few of the people from work—no one from my old life. I hadn’t even spoken to Ant since that showdown at my apartment. I figured he’d gotten the message that I had zero willingness to serve as his emergency medical support anymore.
But here he was on the front step of Jonathan’s brand-new house, demanding to know, “What happened to always being there for each other?”
“Ant, I was trying to be there for you. I owe you that, but….” I closed my eyes and forced myself to say out loud what I decided when I opted not to invite him to my wedding. “We’ve made some very different choices in life. And I know you’re not exactly the same as my father, but I can’t…I can’t protect you from the things you’re choosing. I also can’t keep worrying about you forever like you’re still my kid brother. That’s not fair to me or—”
The hurt that flashed across Ant’s face stopped my words cold. For a moment, he looked like a little boy again. I wanted to rush forward and hug him. Take it all back.
But the hurt disappeared before I could do anything to soothe it.
He tightened his jaw. “You don't have to worry about me anymore. I’m not a little boy, and I don't need you or anybody else. I got the Reyes.”
My lungs constricted at his words. The guilt over what happened when we were kids threatened to suffocate me.
But deep down inside, I knew he was right. He wasn't a little boy anymore. He didn’t need me. And he didn’t fit into the life I was trying to build for myself.
“See you never, I guess.” Ant gave me a chin-up nod before turning to leave. Like I was some homie he used to know, not the sister he just decided to let go.
And that was probably for the best. I couldn’t go on being the Reyes' street doctor. It wasn’t ethical. It wasn’t right. And it didn’t fit in with the life I’d chosen for myself.
So, I didn’t call him back. I watched him get into a flashy low rider that somebody else was driving. The car looked way out of place on the street, lined mostly with BMWs, Mercedes, and the luxury versions of SUVs and family minivans—an exact metaphor for my situation with the brother I had to reject.
I watched him drive away, probably for the last time ever.
Then I made myself step back and close the door on the life I used to know—only to turn around to find Jonathan frowning down at me from the top of the stairs.
“Jonathan!”
I’d almost forgotten he was here. He’d been packing an overnight bag before heading out to his bachelor party. Just a low-key dinner out with a few of his fellow residents—Jonathan didn’t believe in stuff like partying, drinking, or eating to excess.
Afterward, he was supposed to stay at a hotel so that we didn’t see each other before the wedding.
But here he was standing at the top of the stairs, his face the same mottled red it got after he worked out, even though he hadn't exerted himself at all.