Anyway, dad had been pissed, I’d never seen him so angry, and when he hit me, I think the last bit of love and respect I had for him died. It was then I stopped caring about anything. I dropped out of ballet and gymnastics, leaving it to Victoria, who was very good, if I’m being honest, but there was a time when I was better.
Everything I showed an interest in, Victoria soon followed, until there was nothing left but my schooling, something I excelled at that she didn’t. She’d made such a stink when I was in the seventh grade and beat the whole grade for a year with the highest score in the county, which had gained me an award that I’d long since stopped sharing my achievements at home.
At school, I’d taken to hiding from the other kids. There was no point in making friends because they wouldn’t last for more than a week anyway. So I ate alone with the other rejects and found a new spot every week to read until the bell rang to end lunch period. I had to change spots that often because once Victoria found out where I was hiding, she and her followers would torment me until I scampered away.
I’m not as soft as I sound, well, not inside anyway. Inside I’m a raging cauldron of vengeance and something approaching hate. But I dare not speak out loud because I’d learned that it would get me nowhere. To the people that mattered, namely my dad, I’m always in the wrong, so it’s better to remain silent.
“Yes, dad?” I have a good idea what this is about and could already feel the embers of rage building inside. My face showed nothing of my inner thoughts because the one thing I’d learned from my dad is to never show anything but blind obedience. If he knew what I felt inside, he’d probably follow one of Becky’s earlier dictates and have me locked away somewhere for psychiatric help.
That had been her suggestion when I was twelve and got my first period. I’d never missed my mom as much as I did then, and something about going through the experience without her loving guidance by my side had triggered me. I’d screamed bloody murder when I first saw the evidence of my impending womanhood, which had brought the whole house running.
Dad had made a quick exit once he realized what was going on, and Becky was pissed that I didn’t accept her help but had instead called Grandma Eloise. Becky had somehow worked it around to me being mental. You would be, too, if you saw death blood in your underwear while it felt like someone was ripping your guts out.
Dad wasn’t interested in my side as usual, and I’d spent a week fearing being taken away. Even with as bad as things were at home, I knew that would be ten times worst. Becky had told me.
“Did your grandmother send you a birthday gift?” I squinted my eyes in that way you do when you’re lying about something but trying your best to appear dumb as a stump. That’s only one of the things I’d learned from watching Victoria in action all these years. That girl wants to be an actress, and I’m here to tell you she’d be the best there ever was; no one does it better.
“Grandma doesn’t talk to me anymore, dad, you know that.” He looked at me searchingly, and I wondered when he’d learned to be so distrusting of me. I could almost cry; in fact, I felt tears tease the back of my eyes as I tried to find any remnant of the man I once loved so wholeheartedly.
GABRIEL
“Come in.” I opened the door and entered my old man’s inner sanctum.
“You asked to see me pop?”
“Come in, son, and close the door.” Uh-oh. That means he’s about to read my ass about something and doesn’t want mom to hear even a whiff.
That could mean one of two things, either he’s in deep shit, or I am. From the way he studied me after I took the chair across from his desk, I already knew it was the latter. Damn! It could be any one of a hundred things. No matter how I try to hide my shit from pop, he’s always ten steps ahead.
“Did you break that kid’s nose?” Oh, that shit.
“Yep!” I knew that sigh was coming like he’d have done anything different.
“Why?”
“He got on my nerves.
“Son!”
“Dad!” I can’t tell him the fuck hit on my little sister, or he’d end up in jail. Meanwhile, he’s about to ream my ass for saving him a prison term.
“Gabriel, the cops were here.” Uh-oh.
That bitch narced on me? I started to get out of my seat.
“Sit down; where are you going?”