The Beginning (The Life 1)

“How was your day?”

“It was… does it sound corny to say it was the best one I’ve ever had?”

“What was so good about it?” She took her time answering, and I wasn’t prepared for the emotion her words would awaken in me.

“I felt… less alone today. Everyone was so nice to me, and they weren’t pretending. Oh, by the way, thank you for the clothes.”

“Why do you sound so sad if you had a good day?”

“Because, when we go home tomorrow, it’ll be over.” That’s what you think.

“Why would it be over? What’re you expecting to happen?”

“I’m sure you realize by now that things in my home are nothing like they are in yours. What do I expect?” She gazed off as if deep in thought.

“Tell me, what exactly are you expecting to happen to you when we return?”

“I’d be lucky if glue in my hair is the worst of it. I know what you’re trying to do. I appreciate it. But this weekend is an anomaly; it’s not real. What’s real is what’s waiting for me at home. I’m grateful, though, for tonight, for everything you and your family have done. I don’t mean to seem….”

“I think I’ve asked you before why you’ve given up on life. If your mom was here, what kind of life do you think she’d want for you? Do you think she’d like to see you like this? Beaten, no will, no spine?” There you go, show me that fire I know you have hidden in there. She’d puffed up her chest and folded her little fists at my words. I wanted so much for her to yell at me, throw something even. But her next words were like a shot to the gut.

“She’s not here, is she.” Oh? That’s something I hadn’t expected. There was anger, yes, but not where I’d expected.

“Are you mad at your mom for leaving you?”

“That’s stupid. It’s not like she went out for milk and didn’t return.”

“It’s okay, you know. You were just a child who had your life turned upside down. You lost not only your mom but, from the looks of it, your dad as well.” She looked mutinous.

“I’m sure she didn’t want to leave you. I’m sure she wished more than anything to be here with you. Don’t you think you owe it to her to live the best life you can? Do you think bowing to Victoria and Becky like this is what she would’ve wanted?”

“What do you know, with your…?”

“Don’t stop there. Say anything you want.”

“I’m sorry, that was rude of me to say after everything you’ve done.”

“You don’t owe me your silence because I spent a few dollars. You’re free to speak; no one here will judge you for that. So go ahead, tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t think you can understand because your life is so perfect; your family is perfect.”

“I imagined that it was all a front. That there’s no way you guys were so close, but now that I know that it’s real, I feel even more alone.” The sadness in her eyes made me leave my chair, and by the time the first tear fell, I was pulling her onto my lap, covers and all.

My heart felt sick, and I think every cell in my body hurt. Her sobs tore into me like a sharp blade, and it was all I could do to stay seated. I’ve never wanted to commit violence as badly as I did just then. Had we been home, I probably would’ve driven to her house to knock the hell out of her dad for bringing her to this. Not only was I angry at her family, but I had my own shit to deal with now too. That distance I’d planned to keep between us was steadily being chipped away at.

Who knew that her tears would break my heart? Or that seeing the sadness in her would enrage me beyond reason? It seems like the more I tell myself not to get too close, to do only so much and no more, things take a turn. Of course, I wasn’t expecting a few pieces of clothing to change everything; I’m not that dumb. But I’d hoped that the weekend would be a new start for her.

How pompous of me to think that I could just swoop in like some white knight and make everything better and just go back to my life. She’s right; I have no idea what her life is like. And now that I think about it, what I’d had planned was worst. I’d just be one more person who left her.

I’d planned to keep her with me for a couple of weeks, giving her dad time to get his shit together, but her words may have changed my mind. She sounded so hopeless, looked so forlorn when she talked about my family. I’m sure she doesn’t really believe we’re perfect. She does have some intelligence, after all. But a day that the Russo clan takes for granted had moved her to tears because she doesn’t have that, never have.