Beautifully Broken

My heart starts to race suddenly. I don’t know if it’s from wanting to be close to him or knowing I’ll have to leave soon.

I’m confused about what to do.

When I open the door, Damian’s eyes scan over me as if he can sense something’s wrong. Lifting a hand, he wraps his fingers around the side of my neck, and leaning down, he presses a soft kiss to my forehead… and I cave. I grab hold of his sides as if I might lose him within the next second.

It’s because I’ll be leaving soon, and the thought scares me half to death.

When Damian pulls back, I see the questions in his eyes, but he doesn’t ask them. He just takes my hand and leads me to his room.

We climb under the covers, and again, Damian pulls me to his side so I can rest my head on his chest. I listen to his heartbeat, and long after he’s fallen asleep, I still lie awake with my wretched thoughts.

Things are changing between Damian and me. It’s too fast and makes me feel panicked that he might expect something from me I’m unable to give.

My emotions are all over the place, and I bite my lip to keep the tears back.

I can’t even think of the possibility of a relationship with a man. That part of me was destroyed.

I slow my breathing, willing myself to calm down. I taste blood and let go of my lip, chewing on the inside of my mouth instead.

I’ll never be whole again.

The woman in me is dead.

I’m trying to nurse myself with some coffee when Damian walks into the kitchen looking like a lion that’s ready to kill.

“I have to head out and take care of a problem. Will you be okay?”

I nod quickly.

“What’s that?” Damian asks, and I give him a confused look.

“What’s what?”

He moves closer to me, his eyes locked on my mouth. My heart begins to beat faster, and I quickly lower my gaze to his neck, then he lifts a hand and brushes his thumb over the bruise on my bottom lip.

Shit. I forgot.

“I…” I start to sputter against the pad of his thumb. “I… the toothbrush slipped. It nicked my lip,” I lie.

I’m terrible at telling lies. He’s going to see right through it.

Damian drops his hand to my chin and nudges my face up, then he waits for me to meet his eyes.

Shit, he knows I’m not telling the truth.

“Cara.” He tilts his head. “You can talk to me.” When I finally meet his gaze, he adds, “about anything.”

All the ‘anythings’ rush through my mind. The horror. The vile things they did to me. My uncertain feeling for him. The life I want. A mundane career. A family. I want to stop thinking about what happened, and I want… normal.

“I’m okay,” I lie instead of telling Damian the truth.

He gives me a look I can’t quite place before he turns away from me. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

I watch him walk out of the kitchen, and then my shoulders slump in defeat.

Before I realize what I’m doing, I go to my room and take three sets of clothes, setting them aside on an empty shelf. Only then do I realize that’s the clothes I’ll be taking with me when I leave.

A numb feeling spreads through my body.

I feel like a zombie as I leave the room and walk up to the office. I can’t remember when, but Damian said he had a new identity created for me. I’ll need it if I want to disappear. It will also help me get better jobs.

Trying the doorknob, I let out a breath of relief when the door opens. This time there’s no sign of the camera and memory cards.

Pressured for time, I quickly look in the drawers, and not finding anything, I move over to a filing cabinet. When I open one of the last files, I find a passport and I.D card with my photo.

I don’t even look at the name as I grab them, shoving both documents into my pocket. I put the file back and make sure I leave everything looking the same as when I came into Damian’s office before rushing back to my room.

With a thundering heart, I place the documents under the pile of clothes I’ve set aside.

I take deep breaths to try and calm down.

Hopefully, Damian won’t notice the documents are gone before I leave.

I can’t risk leaving now because he might see me next to the road.

Minutes later, I hear tires crunching over the gravel out front. I dart to my bed and quickly climb under the covers. My heart’s beating like crazy, and I will it to slow down.

I feel guilty for planning to leave without saying goodbye, but there’s no telling what Damian would do if he found out.