Chapter 22
CARA
I must’ve fallen asleep on Damian, and when I wake up, I’m groggy and sore.
Damian doesn’t say a word as he climbs to his feet, pulling me up along with him. He throws the covers back and then waits for me to climb into bed before he lies down behind me.
His arms come around me, and he curls his body around mine until my back is pressed tightly to his chest. I feel his breath on my hair, and I try to focus on it.
I don’t know why I’m still alive. I don’t understand how my heart can keep beating when it’s been torn to shreds.
This unforgiving world is too much. I want to leave it. I wish I could turn back time to before I was conceived. I want that so desperately – just the nothingness of before I existed.
This life has hollowed me out. I thought I found some happiness with Annie, but no, that was just life giving me the finger… once again.
As my thoughts are inundated with the darkness closing in on me, neither of us goes back to sleep.
The hours creep by, and eventually, my mind turns to Damian and how comfortable I’ve become with him touching me. Of course, I was shocked when he dressed me, but it didn’t make me feel as uncomfortable as I thought it would.
Maybe it’s because he’s saved my life twice. He’s never done anything to hurt me.
As soon as the sun starts to rise, Damian gets up. I glance over my shoulder and watch as he calls someone.
“Jeff,” Damian’s voice is harsh again. There’s no trace of the man who comforted me during the night. “We need to disappear. Burn the house to the ground.”
I sit up and watch Damian. “We’ll be fine. We go with the retirement plan. I’ll check in with you once the dust has settled.”
When he tucks the phone back in his pocket, I can’t help but ask, “Retirement plan?”
“Yeah.” Damian nods as he walks to the window. He peeks through the curtain before he glances back at me. “We have one stop to make before we head south.”
Gingerly climbing out of bed, I go to the bathroom, and I cringe when I see the state of the shower. It’s filthy.
I turn to the sink and rinse my mouth a couple of times, but it does nothing to remove the stale taste from my mouth.
“Here,” Damian says, holding a toothbrush and toothpaste out to me.
Gratefully, I take the items and quickly brush my teeth. I make sure to rinse it properly before Damian takes it from me.
I try to smooth my wild bed hair out, and then my eyes widen as I watch Damian brush his teeth.
I take a step back and just stare because he’s using the same toothbrush.
I’ve been avoiding a relationship with him, but I never considered how he might feel.
Does he already see us as a couple?
At the hospital, he said I’m his wife. Not sister. Not cousin. He chose to make me his wife. Again.
Shit.
I rush out of the bathroom, and the small space of the motel room feels like it’s suffocating me.
My mind starts to race frantically. I care about Damian, but I’m a wretched mess. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for a relationship, and I told him that.
I need Damian. I know I won’t survive this without him, but… what if he changes his mind down the line and wants more?
I can’t give him more.
The wound starts to ache, every pulse of pain in rhythm with my racing heart. I sit down on the side of the bed so my body won’t take too much strain and then chew on my thumbnail.
Damian comes out of the bathroom, and his eyes lock with mine.
“I… I…” I start to stutter like an idiot.
“I’ll be back in a couple of minutes,” he grumbles, and then I watch him leave.
I sit frozen, not sure what’s happening.
“Maybe it’s your imagination?” I try to ease my worry. “You’re just friends. Damian knows you can’t give him more.” I wipe my palms over my sweatpants. “You always wanted a friend, and now you have one.” My heart squeezes tightly in my chest.
It feels like I’m detached from life itself. The sun keeps shining. The wind keeps blowing. My body keeps breathing, but I’m drained … just empty, and it’s the most lost feeling I’ve ever felt.
There’s nothing left of me to give to Damian even if I wanted to.
DAMIAN
I tuck my hands deep in my pockets as I stalk to the Walmart we passed on the way to the motel.
My mind wanders to Cara and the way she reacted when I used the same toothbrush as her. I know she’s not ready for any kind of relationship. That’s why I’ve been so careful with her.