Beautifully Broken

God. Thank you.

Knowing things won’t always be dark makes excitement for what the future might hold trickle through me.

“Slowly but surely, I’ll get there,” I whisper. “All because of Damian never giving up on me.”

My heart fills until it feels as if it might burst because without Damian, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have survived.

It’s okay to love him.

My eyes drift shut as I finally stop fighting my feelings, accepting it’s a good thing. It’s safe.

For the first time since the container, I don’t feel completely broken, and the dead weight that’s been wearing me thin lifts a little.

I can’t stop smiling as I open the faucets, and then I step under the water and let it wash over me. I feel free from the constraints that have been suffocating all the joy out of my life.

Picking up the loofah, I squirt some body wash onto it and work it into a lather.

But… what about the physical part of a relationship?

I quickly shake my head, not wanting to sour my happiness.

Don’t think about it.

One step at a time.

I start to wash my body, and when I clean between my legs, my body jerks from how sensitive it feels.

My eyebrows dart up as I freeze, waiting for the demons to creep from the cracks.

Instead, an image of Damian shirtless as he hammers nails into the porch flashes through my mind.

My eyebrows lift even higher when there’s a flush of heat in my abdomen.

God, I can’t remember the last time I masturbated, and as the thought crosses my mind, I feel unsure of what to do.

I stand still as the water pours over me, and then I allow myself to recall the sweat glistening on Damian’s golden skin, his muscles straining as he works.

A needy moan drifts over my lips, and then I close my eyes, losing myself in how manly and attractive Damian is.

My stomach flutters and my abdomen tightens.

His eyes.

The curve of his lips when he gives me a crooked smile.

The strength in his body.

The gentleness in his touch.

Slowly I start to move the loofah between my legs, and again my body jerks, the friction sending pleasure instead of fear through me. A gasp bursts from me, and pressing my other hand to the tiles, I imagine Damian’s arms around me.

There’s a trickle of fear, and I breathe through it, focusing harder.

I remember the predatory heat in his eyes when he saw me naked, and instead of taking what he wanted, he buried his own need and focused on mine.

I love him. It’s okay.

My hand begins to move, brushing the loofah against my sensitive skin, and it makes pleasure tighten my abdomen.

I’ve given myself an orgasm before, but this time it’s different. The other times the guy was always faceless. But this time, it’s Damian, I see.

I imagine his muscled body brushing against mine. I feel his fingers trail over my jaw. I feel his mouth on my skin.

I start to rub the loofah faster, and as I picture his mouth curving into a hot grin, my legs tremble as the orgasm tears through me. The intense pleasure spasms through my body, my breaths bursting over my parted lips.

The instant the last tendrils of ecstasy drift away, my mind clears.

For a moment, I try to process how I feel, but when dark thoughts skirt around the edges of my mind, I turn off the faucet and quickly dry myself. I pull on the clean clothes, and avoiding the mirror, I rush out of the bathroom.

Don’t think about it.

Chasing all thoughts of love, sex, and the trauma from my mind, I rush out of the cabin and head toward the ocean.

I force myself to see the green of the leaves, the brown of the bark, and the blue of the sky. I listen to the sound of the ocean, and when I reach the stretch of beach, I kick off my shoes and walk into the water.

Focus on the good.

Just like Damian taught you.

Focus only on the good.

Chapter 27

DAMIAN

Cara’s been weird around me the past couple of weeks. She hardly makes eye contact and almost seems shy, which I don’t understand.

I walk out onto the porch and search the surrounding area. She went for a walk quite a while ago, and I’m worried that she’s not back yet. With the sun setting, I start to walk in the direction I saw her head in.

After a while, the trees begin to thin out, and about ten minutes later, I reach the beach.

I scan the stretch of sand until I see her lone figure, sitting with her knees drawn up against her chest.

I slowly make my way over to where she’s staring out over the ocean, and then I hear a sigh escape her lips.

She gets up, dusts some sand from her ass, and then turns around. When her eyes fall on me, they widen before she lowers them to the sand.