Sexy as Sin

So when I realized … all I thought was that I deserved to go through that pain alone.

Lydia was at work with her phone off.

I caved and called the only person who could take me to the hospital, but Reed wasn’t answering. And the person who I wanted to hold me and promise me it would be okay was locked in a jail cell.

That pain his me all over again and I push Cill’s arm off me and try to stand up. Cill won’t let me leave. He pulls me back into the bed with him.

“I have to go,” I say, my voice thick with tears and shove my hand against him. “I don’t want to do this in front of you.”

His strong arms wrap around me and pull me close to him, bringing me into a comforting warmth.

With his lips brushing a kiss in the crook of my neck, he whispers, “That’s not true and you know it.” Without an ouce of fight in me, I give in, letting him pull my body as close to his as possible and runs his hand over my hair. “You missed me like I missed you, Hellcat. Don’t try to lie to me about it.”

“Why should you watch me cry over this? It was my mistake. I deserve to work through the consequences on my own. You shouldn’t feel sympathy for me, Cill. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway.”

“Yeah. You were hurting and you tried to seek out comfort. You think I can blame you for that? I did the same damn thing, only there was nowhere to go but inside my head. I’m partly to blame for all this shit happening anyway.”

“No you’re not.”

“I could have seen you sooner,” he admits. “After the fight. I thought if I put you out of my mind, the time would pass quicker. It was bullshit. And by the time I got over it you, had stopped coming.”

“I felt too guilty to come. I couldn’t look you in the eye knowing what I’d done.”

“I’ll look you in the eye any time,” he says, and I finally let myself melt into his arms.

“Will you be able to do it in the morning?” I question. I don’t know if I’d be able to, if I were him. I might get up and walk out like he did that first night he stayed.

“I’d look at you any damn morning, Hellcat. I don’t care what happened.”

“Yes you do, Cill.”

“I care. But I only care because it’s you. I want you to be okay.”

Deep, even breaths are all I’m able to focus on and the warmth of his chest against my back. I listen to his heartbeat for a while. A long while maybe, his arm stays around me, holding me close and refusing to let go. His breathing steadies long before mine does.

“That’s it,” I tell him. “I didn’t do anything else while you were gone. I hope you can believe me when I say that.”

“Hmm?” Cill asks sleepily. I blink up at his face. It’s mostly hidden in the dark, but I’m pretty sure his eyes are closed.

“I’m glad you came back,” I whisper, and then I curl up against him and fall asleep too. “I love you, Cillian.”

Kat

Cillian and Reed sit close together at a new kitchen table Reed brought over this morning and the two of them put together in silence while I slept. Cill’s still in his gray sweatpants and a white tee. Reed’s at least dressed in jeans and a dark navy Henley.

With sleep still in my eyes, I came down to see the two of them putting the last screws in. Reed can barely look me in the eye and the only thing he’s said to me is that he’s sorry he didn’t answer last night. He had a lot to think about.

There’s a sadness between us that doesn’t fit right but I’ve tried to swallow it down all morning.

I made them coffee an hour ago and I know for a fact it’s cold by now. Neither one of them seems to have noticed. They just keep talking in low voices that make it impossible to hear a damn thing.

I should be grateful that they’re both there, sitting side by side, not murdering each other.

“More coffee?” I ask, holding up the pot. I’ve had two cups and it’s still not enough to make me feel awake enough for whatever’s going on.

They don’t answer. I pick up the two mugs. They don’t notice. I dump them out in the sink. Still nothing.

“Are you going to let me in on what you’re planning? I know it has to do with Cavanaugh.” I fill up the mugs with fresh coffee and take them back to the table.

* * *

“I don’t think this is something you need to be a part of, Kat,” Reed says, accepting his coffee and still not looking me in the eye. I fucking hate it.