“You know what they expect, kitten.”
I knew exactly what those sharks wanted: my submission, my degradation, my humiliation.
My heart sank, and my eyes burned. I shouldn’t be surprised by this turn of events, but Stefano’s betrayal cut deeper than a knife in my heart.
“Don’t look at me like that.” His command came out roughly, the sad tilt of his mouth communicating that he didn’t like my pained reaction. “This is necessary. Some of my associates are becoming uneasy with the fact that I’ve kept you hidden away. They need to see that there’s no reason to be concerned with my judgment. This is a dangerous time, Carmen. You know what happens when a cartel crumbles. I can’t afford for my allies to doubt my strength when everyone is looking for a way to turn this chaos to their advantage.”
“So, you’ll parade me around for them in order to maintain your power,” I said bitterly, a statement of fact rather than an accusation.
I understood completely, especially after all he’d revealed about his past yesterday. It would be ridiculous and sentimental of me to presume that Stefano would value my feelings over his survival.
But understanding the situation didn’t pluck the knife from my chest.
A few days ago, the prospect of Stefano taking me out of the penthouse would have incited vindictive pleasure. I would have been plotting how to undermine his authority, mapping out my eventual escape.
Now, I just felt sick.
“I know tonight won’t be pleasant for you.” He didn’t bother to put a pretty spin on it, and I appreciated that, at least. “I wouldn’t choose to do this to you if it weren’t absolutely necessary. My position of power keeps you safe. I hope you can see it that way.”
“Safe to live as your pet.” The horror of my reality left acid on my tongue.
Choosing to pursue a relationship with Stefano was one thing. Consenting to public humiliation at his hands was too nauseating to consider.
His lips twisted in a grimace. “This is exactly why I wouldn’t choose to do this with you yet. You’re not ready for it, but that doesn’t change the fact that it has to happen.”
My defiance sparked back to life, much preferable to the crushing grief of his betrayal.
“I will never be ready to be demeaned by you,” I seethed. “I will never let you trot me out for a public shaming. Not without putting up a fight so that everyone knows I didn’t come along meekly.”
He scowled. “I’ve already considered that possibility, and I’ve decided against it. I won’t forcibly drag you out in public.”
“Because that wouldn’t satisfy your insane agenda for me to surrender myself completely.” I tried for venom, but I knew he could feel my hands trembling in his hold.
“Because it would upset you,” he corrected me sharply. “If you choose to fight me, I will put off my associates. I will apply more force where necessary if I sense dissent. But alienating my allies when I need them most is beyond unwise. I know you’re aware of the realities of what’s happening right now. Any signs of weakness will jeopardize the security of my position.”
I blinked up at him. “Then why hold back? Why not do everything necessary to drag me down to your club and prove your ruthlessness?”
“Because then you would hate me.”
“Does that really bother you so much?” I challenged softly. “My hatred wouldn’t stop you from taking what you want from me.”
His brows drew together. “Of course it bothers me,” he snapped. “I won’t do anything to make you hate me, so that is a determining factor in my strategy.”
He stroked my hair, his hands gentle despite his tense tone. “But I also know that you’re very clever, and I want you to reason through this with me. If you play your part tonight, our position here will be more secure in the long term. My associates need to see that you genuinely respond to me, and you won’t have to fake that. Let me hold you how I want, kiss you when I want. And don’t challenge me. If anyone says a word against you, I will make it clear that you’re mine. I won’t pretend that they will treat you with respect tonight, but over time, they will.”
He trailed his fingers across the furrow in my brow, as though he could smooth it away. “This is how I keep you safe. It’s the best tactical approach.”
I mulled over his words, my mind sticking on our position here will be more secure in the long term.
Our position. As in, both of us. Implying that he considered this penthouse to be my home, too.
“If I do this…” I swallowed down my disgust at the idea of willingly participating in my public humiliation. “If I choose to stay here with you, what does that make me?”