Strip Search (Tap That)

His parents and Leighton’s parents hadn’t eyeballed each other suspiciously or been confrontational in any way. They had hit it off faster than couples on a reality dating show. Axl had been concerned that the mothers might be aloof but they were slinging back wine and laughing like they had known each other for forty years. His father and Dieter were deep in

a discussion on Bitcoin.

No one was paying any attention to either him or Leighton.

Which was fine with him but it was still strange nonetheless.

His parents’ house was an eighties colonial that had undergone a refresh in the kitchen and bathrooms in the last ten years but the dining room was still the way it had been when he was a kid. Dark burgundy walls and a deep mahogany table and hutch. Axl had thought he mother would be worried about her décor the way she was about her hair, but neither of those seemed to be on her mind at all. She and Barbie were discussing the merits of pedicures with fish, whatever the hell that was.

Barbie was vivacious and over-the-top. He could see how she would be the life of the party, but like Leighton, she had a way of making everyone around her feel comfortable. Leighton seemed to have her father’s personality. Quiet, thoughtful, organized.

“May I have another of those sashimi rolls?” Dieter asked, pointing to the platter in the center of the table.

“Of course,” his mother said.

The decision had been made to order food given that it was last minute and his mother had rather belligerently chosen sushi because the Van Burens were from California.

But to her surprise, she had enjoyed it herself, which Axl found ironic.

“What do we do?” Axl asked Leighton under his breath. “I feel like we could leave and they would never notice.”

“I feel like I’m in an alternate reality.” Leighton turned to him, amused. “I guess it’s a good thing, right?”

Sure, if they were a real couple.

Which it kind of felt like they were. Which freaked him the fuck out.

“Better than a food fight.”

But then Leighton’s father, over coffee, said, “If you two want me to glance over the prenuptial agreement, I’d be happy to take a look.”

Shit.

That had never occurred to Axl. Of course Leighton’s family would want a prenup. They had a ton of money. And, also predictably, his mother was offended.

“Why, do you think Axl might be trying to take advantage of Leighton?”

If this were a real marriage, Axl would sign a prenuptial agreement. But it wasn’t, so it hadn’t entered his head. They had some guy Leighton had hired marrying them without actually getting a marriage license. Nothing would be legal. “Mom, it’s fine. I don’t think they were suggesting that at all.”

“No, no, of course not,” Dieter said. “It’s for both of them. It’s standard. You wouldn’t want Leighton to inherit your property if something happened, would you? Contracts just take out the negative emotion and allow the room for all the joy, yes?”

Amazingly, it placated his mother. “I suppose,” she said reluctantly.

“I can sign whatever you want,” Axl told Leighton.

Her lips were pursed. “I think we should talk about this later.”

“How much later?” Axl’s father asked. “The wedding is in two days.”

Yes. It was.

It scared the absolute shit out of him because something was not right in his head. He wanted to spend more time with Leighton. No, he absolutely did not want to get married for real. But he wouldn’t mind seeing her still after all of this and seeing if maybe, just maybe it could go somewhere. A real relationship. Which was impossible.

He stood up abruptly.

“What are you doing?” his mother asked, looking mortified at his complete lack of manners.

“I need a drink.”