We went downstairs and the doorman was the same one who had brought the donuts up the day before. He gave me a warm smile. I smiled back and sipped my coffee. The walk was actually pleasant and I enjoyed the morning sounds of the city, but as we got closer and closer to school, it was obvious Willow got more and more anxious. She was chewing her hair, scowling, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.
“Hey,” I said, falling in step beside her. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said.
“Are you sure?”
“Just stop. I’m fine. I’m fucking fine,” she said, sounding on the verge of tears.
That was not the sound of a girl who was actually fine. Maybe she expected me to get angry because she swore or had an attitude. Maybe she thought she would shock me into shutting up. I sipped my coffee.
“Got it. But if you ever want to talk, I have a lot of experience with girls being mean to me and boys who would have rather died than hang out with me.”
For a second, she didn’t say anything. Then she scoffed. “I doubt it. You’re cool. I’m not.”
“Are you kidding? In middle school I was the same height I am now.” I put my hands to my waist. “Boys came to about here on me. They called me Towering Tanner for three years. Boys looked at me like they were being asked to climb Mt. Everest without a safety harness.”
Willow actually gave a little laugh. “That sucks.”
“It did suck. But it got better. Dance gave me confidence. What do you love to do?”
“Soccer. But our school doesn’t have a soccer team.”
“That sucks. Maybe we can find you a traveling team.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s complicated.”
It was. But I made a mental note to talk to Brandon about it.
“We’re here,” Poppy said, having been silent the whole walk, humming to herself. She gave me a wave. “Bye, Dakota!” She ran through the gates and over to a group of girls. They opened up the circle to include her.
Willow dragged her feet and gave me a limp, “Bye,” as she went through the gate, head down. Her distress made me feel sick to my stomach. I stood and watched her, willing her to have the confidence to raise her head and stare down her tormentors.
It was clear who the popular girls were. They had a tight pack of about five of them, tossing their hair back, laughing, and glancing around to shoot disdainful sneers about the girls not in their clique. There were other little gatherings of girls, but Willow didn’t seem to even try to join them. She just hung back. The popular girls stared at her and whispered to each other, pointing and laughing.
Oh, God. It hurt my heart to see it. I remembered that pain all too well.
I shifted back slightly, just in case Willow glanced over. Two boys and a girl of various ages ran up, chattering and blew past them through the gate. The woman accompanying them glanced over at me and smiled. “Hi. Are your kids new here?”
I shook my head. “No, they were here last year too. I’m the new nanny for Willow and Poppy Macnamara.”
“Oh, right.” She nodded. She was in her early forties if I had to guess and had a warm smile. “I’m Anika. My middle child, Arya, is a friend of Poppy’s.”
“Dakota. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Brandon has a hard time keeping nannies. Hopefully you’ll be a better fit. I think the girls could use some stability.”
That made me feel terrible. My position was only temporary. Brandon and I were helping each other out. For six months. Nothing more. I wasn’t going to share that with a stranger, though. “I think they’re great kids.” That was the truth, but vague enough to discourage further conversation.
She hesitated but then she said, “You should join the parents’ organization. There are other nannies in it as well. It’s good for parents and care providers to be on the same page.”
If I did that, I would find myself even more invested in the girls than I was. It sounded like a bad idea for both them and me. I just smiled. “Thanks. I’ll look into it.” I turned. “Well, I should head out before Willow spots me. Great to meet you.” I sipped my coffee.
“I’ve never seen anyone drink from a ceramic mug on the street,” she said.
Amused, I merely saluted with it and went on my way. I wished I could teach Willow that it didn’t matter if people thought you were weird. There was always going to be someone who thought you were different, didn’t like you, or was threatened by you. That was life.
Maybe this wasn’t just a random coincidence. Maybe I wasn’t there just to have sexy times with Brandon and not starve to death. Maybe I was there to help the girls too.