Love Me Again, Cowboy

Her fork pauses and she looks up from her food. “I was going to tell you,” she starts, setting her fork down. “I swear. That’s why I told you I wanted to talk to you before you have your closure talk with him.”

“Ala, I’m not talking about now . . . years ago. You can’t tell me you didn’t know that he had a baby. This is a small town, and Ben is friends with the Wyles.”

She sighs and her shoulders slump. “By the time I found out, his baby was a few months old. I was going to tell you, but I wanted to do it in person. Do you remember when I came to visit you at Cal Arts your first year of college?”

I nod, remembering the weekend she’d spent with me.

“You were excited about school. You were even smiling and laughing again. You were finally getting over Jax.”

“I never got over him,” I say, remembering that old hurt. “Not fully.”

She absently rubs her belly. “Do you remember when I started to bring up Jax? That’s when I was going to tell you. And do you remember what you told me?”

I think back to that time. We had been in my dorm room, eating Ramen. The memory slowly comes back to me, and I sigh. “I told you that I never wanted to hear the name Jaxon Wyle again.”

“And I still tried, but—”

“But I shut you down,” I say, remembering all of it now. “I said I couldn’t hear his name, and I couldn’t talk about him—not without the physical pain of a hot poker stabbing my heart—and that if you loved me you’d respect my wishes and never mention him again.”

“So I didn’t,” she says. “And if I’m being honest, I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t know whether or not Jaxon had cheated on you or when he got that girl pregnant. It’s not exactly something you ask. But if he had cheated on you, it would hurt you all over again. If he hadn’t, then you might have given up on your dreams and gone back to Bisbee to help him raise his daughter. I didn’t want that for you.”

Why is it that everyone thinks they knew what was best for me? “That wasn’t your choice to make.”

“You made it yourself,” she says. “When you told me you didn’t want me to talk about him, that was you telling me what you needed. I just obliged. But think about it: you got your degree in acting and directing and then went on to star in a TV show where you won a freakin’ Emmy. Those were your dreams, sis. Do you regret them?”

“No,” I say. It’s true. I don't regret anything I’ve done. I might be unhappy in my career at the moment, but I wasn’t always. I loved college, and I loved acting in my TV series. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but the truth bomb is that I’m glad he broke up with you when he did.”

I put my hand to my heart. “Harsh,” I say. But my frustrations for her not telling me fades away to nothing but a wisp that disappears the instant she reaches out and squeezes my hand.

“Sis, I’m sorry. And I especially didn’t want you to find out from anyone else. It should have come from me.”

I squeeze her hand back. “Actually, Jax should have told me. But I forgave him, and I forgive you too.” I think about my reunion with Jax, and warmth fills me from head to toe. “Perhaps it all worked out the way it should have.”

She sighs in relief and goes back to eating her food. “So you got your closure then? You guys talked?”

I smile. “Well . . .”

She drops her fork, knowing that the tone of my voice and the pause mean a lot more than closure happened with Jax. “Tell. Me. Everything.”

And I did. It was like we were back to the first summer I had with Jax when I told her about my first kiss with him and then every moment after. We’re sisters, giggling and swooning and laughing. I love these moments with her. I’ve missed them.

“You know I always did like Jaxon, even if he is a little arrogant. But then you are too.”

I roll my eyes. “It’s not arrogance if it’s true.”

This time she rolls her eyes, then she considers me. “You look happier than I’ve seen you in a very long time. And I like seeing you happy. But I do worry about what happens next, logistically.”

I take another bite of mango. “What do you mean?”

“Well, what if everything works out great, and you two fall back in love and want to be together long-term. Are you willing to give up Hollywood?”

I think about the audition I’ve been working so hard to get and how I’m not going to let all that I’ve done for it be in vain. “No, of course not.”

“And do you think he’d give up ranching and uproot his daughter to go live with you in Hollywood?”

I sigh and set down the mango, wiping the li hing mui powder off on a napkin. “I don’t know.”