I want her to feel beautiful and special—because she’s all that and more. I sink my fingers in a little deeper and I can feel the evidence of virginity. I should probably use my fingers to break through it, stretching her before I try to go inside, but I can’t. Doing that seems to be cheating us both. I want her to feel me… my cock inside of her at the exact moment she loses her virginity. I want to be deep inside of her, watching her face; I want her to look at me, knowing I’m the one claiming her.
I reach over to the nightstand and take my wallet. Her eyes cloud with confusion as I sift through and find what I’m looking for. I don’t have much need for these things. Hell, this one has been in the back of my wallet for years. I put it in there when I hit my six months of being sober. There was a part of me that thought being clean and sober meant I would have a normal life, that I would want sex, that I would be free from the demons of my past.
I was so wrong, at least until Jessie… She has changed everything.
I drop everything to the ground except the condom and I look at her.
“I want to protect you,” I tell her. She has no idea of my past and couldn’t comprehend it, I’m sure. I’m clean.
At first, I was tested every six months during my sobriety and now every year, and I do that knowing there’s not a chance I could be infected with anything.
Hell, I haven’t even had sex since being sober, but I keep getting tested because walking in that clinic is a reminder… a punch in the gut of how lucky I am. My first results and the ones after that might not have been good, but there was no guarantee they would have been.
I escaped my past by the skin of my teeth. I’ll never go back, but it helps to be reminded of what could have happened.
“Let me,” she says, taking the condom from my hand.
My eyes never leave hers as we change positions and she’s sitting on her knees while I’m on my back. With trembling fingers, she wraps her hand around my hard cock and strokes me. She holds me timidly but by the second stroke her touch is much firmer. I hold my breath for a minute, afraid old ghosts will intrude—afraid I will remember the past and ruin everything.
My gaze moves to her hold on my cock and just as the memories begin to try and push through, it’s Jessie that beats them back. Her hand moves under my chin and she pushes so that I look at her. “I want to see your eyes, Allen. Can I? I want to see them as I touch you. I want to make sure I’m doing this right…” she whispers, giving voice to her fears.
“You can have anything you want, Jessie,” I assure her, holding the side of her face gently, pushing my hand under her hair. She smiles, though I can still see a little fear on her face. She brings the condom wrapper to her mouth and tears the corner open with her teeth. It gives pretty easily and I find myself praying that condoms don’t have expiration dates. I have no fucking clue.
I watch as she fumbles with the latex, looking at it as if unsure. Then she covers the head of my aching cock with it. I shouldn’t have worried about my memories. With Jessie touching me, I can think of nothing but her.
“Am I doing this right?” she asks, sliding the condom over my cock.
I’m stretching the latex tight. I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard in my life. I also have no idea if she’s doing it right, but I don’t want to have that discussion with her. My dick is covered and that’s what the goal is.
“You’re perfect, Jessie. Absolutely fucking perfect,” I assure her.
“Now… uh… what?” she asks, looking around, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her I’m about as experienced as she is, but I don’t.
“Climb over top of me, sweetheart.”
“I…”
She breaks off as I help her slide astride me.
“That’s it,” I praise her gently. I let my fingers move down her shoulders and against her breasts, kneading them before moving down her stomach. “You’re so beautiful, Jessie. So soft and warm, sweet and delicate,” I murmur, watching the trail my hands make. “I love the feel of you.”
My hands move around to her back and then down to the round globes of her ass. I squeeze them, loving how full she feels in my hands.
“Allen, please,” she gasps and her body is pushing toward me. She’s on her knees swaying back and forth and I can feel the muscles in her legs tightening. She needs more and for the first time in my life I truly do too.