My heart hammers in my chest. I try to swallow, but my mouth is too dry. “I don’t…” My throat clicks. Oh shit. I so don’t wanna talk about this. What was I thinking? “Nothing happened.”
“A nothing that gives you nightmares?”
My jaw clenches. “Yeah. Like the nothing that makes you scared of Seth.”
I hear her sharp intake of breath. After a few moments pass, she exhales. “Touché.”
But it doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel worse that I threw her words back at her. She doesn’t deserve this. She saved my life, Shane’s life. Probably more. She’s a strong person. Whatever happened must be still scaring her, stopping her from talking about it.
And because that means my past is scaring me, too, I force myself to talk about it. “It was hell,” I say.
Her hands shift, splaying on my stomach. I expect her to ask something, but she doesn’t. Leaves the ball in my court.
“We were all dumped together in this big old facility.” I lick my lips, desperately trying to wet them. “Some of us, the newer ones, slept on the floor. We had to fight over food. Some of the kids there formed a gang and stole all the food, then beat up everyone who resisted.”
She still says nothing, and the words come with difficulty. I’d never talked about all this before. “They raped the girls, even some of the younger boys, and I couldn’t…” Bile rises in my throat, and I swallow convulsively. Shit. “I couldn’t stop them.”
Can’t do this, dammit. I get up, shaking free of her arms, and pace the room. Shoving my hands through my hair, I stop at the window. It’s dark outside, and my reflection stares back at me. I look like roadkill, face pale, eyes wide, short hair standing on end.
In the reflection, I can see Ev sitting on my bed, hands in her lap. She looks sad and small. Shit, my outburst must have scared her. Hell, I don’t blame her. I turn around and walk back to her. I sit beside her and reach for her hand. She slips it into mine and gives me a smile, but it’s strained.
Fuck. “Ev? I know my past isn’t that good, and hell, I have nightmares and shit, but I’d never hurt you.” I take a deep breath. “You know that, right?”
She squeezes my hand, and her smile turns real. “Of course I know that. I’m not worried.”
Okay. I don’t know what else to say. She’s a lovely puzzle that I can’t solve—shy and bold, innocent and sexy, unafraid and scared, running and still standing still.
Unpredictable. Startling. Addictive.
“It’s just that…” She glances at me from under lowered lashes, and her pretty mouth twists. “Your words reminded me of my own failures.”
“Failures?” I don’t understand.
Her hand trembles in mine, and she looks away. “I’ve let people down, people who depended on me.”
Still don’t get it. “Your parents?”
She shakes her head. “I’m sure I’ve let them down, too, but they’ll survive. No, that’s not what I mean. People I helped on the street and didn’t manage to save.”
My heart thumps too fast against my ribs. “Like who?”
“A couple old people. You wouldn’t know them. They usually were close to home, not around here.”
I want to ask her if she remembers me at all—if she remembers a man who was sick, a man she saved. But she doesn’t mention me, and I don’t know if to feel relieved or disappointed. Don’t know if to just throw caution to the wind and tell her the truth or wait until I know the cause of her fear.
Yeah, isn’t this just great? Turns out I can’t even predict myself.
Chapter Ten
Evangeline
Leaving Micah in the morning is hard. It seems to get harder every day. Sleeping in his arms is the best place in the world.
But now reality crashes down on me. I have several missed calls on my cell, from Mom, Joel, even Dad. Oh shit.
I call Joel first, figuring it will be easier
to deal with him, but boy was I wrong.