“She’s different,” she agrees just as softly. “She’s my other half. I’d do anything for her.”
I close my eyes. She gets me, despite the train wreck her family seems to be. It’s not just great sex, and a love for sci-fi movies and laughter at silly jokes.
This is a deeper bond. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to care for someone who can’t understand how I feel about my family, how important they are to me.
But I shove the thought aside, because it’s too soon to be thinking of bonds and caring. Too early for anything, least of all for believing this will turn into something more.
One thing’s for sure: I’d take the chance. A chance on her. Tell her about myself, introduce her to my family, maybe… maybe even some day tell her about the nightmares—after they’ve stopped, hopefully. No reason to worry her about some stupid dreams.
But will she take a chance on me?
Chapter Fourteen
Cosima
‘Going to Merc’s,’ I text my sis. ‘You okay?’
She’s been away and mostly incommunicado this past week, only dropping me a brief ‘Still alive’ message from time to time.
I suspect it’s to keep me from calling her. It makes my chest tight with worry, makes me want to call and hear her voice, know what’s really happening.
Though the thought of meeting Merc again distracts me enough to wear some sexy lacy lingerie and put my hair up, slather on lipstick and pass some mascara over my lashes.
I stare at myself in the mirror. The kitty meows from the bathroom door. It sounds approving.
“How do I look, kitten?” I slip silver hoops into my earlobes and “Will Merc like me like this?”
She meows again.
“He likes me already, you say?” I dab some perfume behind my ears. “How is it I’m more nervous every time I meet him, huh? I mean, we banged already. Maybe…” I place the perfume back into my cosmetics bag, my hand shaking slightly. “Maybe that’s why. He got what he wanted, so this can’t last much longer, right?”
She jumps onto the sink, scaring the bejesus out of me. She headbutts my hand, and I laugh.
“You know Lin would agree with me,” I mutter.
Kitty lifts up on her hind legs and pushes her little bullet head into my hand, purring.
“Or maybe not. Besides… I made mistakes, but that doesn’t mean Merc is one, right?” I stroke her between the ears and she hisses at me. “I can’t move forward if I don’t think there’s a chance he’s a good guy. And here I am, talking to myself like a crazy person.”
Kitty stares at me reproachfully.
“Oh, you were listening? Fair enough. Just checking.” I hope talking to a cat is considered normal. “Thing is, I’m afraid to take a risk again, so soon after Steve. Yeah, yeah, I’m still here when I should be back at Lin’s, chasing a new job, keeping my heart safe, giving myself a chance to decide what I want from life—but how can you stop living in order to figure that out? How can I find what I want without taking risks?”
Meow.
“Besides… how can I give up on Merc? Seeing him, kissing him... I’m like a moth to a flame. No matter how many times I’ve been burned, I can’t stop reaching for that… that sense of belonging with someone. Is he different from the others? What say you, kitty?”
She cocks her little head at me questioningly.
And now I’m waiting for the cat to answer me.
Great.
The building where Merc lives is in a real nice neighborhood. I barely noticed last time I was here, too giddy and dizzy with his nearness, his touch, the promise of lying skin to skin with him.
Trees line the street, the building’s all metal and glass, and when I hit the buzzer for his apartment, the door opens into an open space with plants, a glea
ming staircase and huge elevator.