Mancave (Wild Men 3)

Not anymore, though, I realize as I lean closer, listening to tales of Shawn’s feats of destruction, laughing until my side hurts. No idea when the change happened, and I doubt it has to do with the way my boobs grew bigger these past few months.

It’s how Matt loves me, I think and lean back, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. The way he looks at me, the way he holds me, like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. It took me a while to believe it—heck, a couple of years—but it’s finally seeped in, the knowledge that he only wants me, and no other girl.

That’s enough to make a girl feel like a princess, right?

Ashley squirms on my lap, and I stroke her fuzzy head. My life is perfect.

Almost perfect. Evan is moving to St. Louis this week, and I really hope he’ll tell his daughter the truth, that he’ll find peace, and a love of his own.

And Ross… Yeah, not going to think about him any longer. I hope he finds his own peace, somehow. He, and Jasper, and everyone in Destiny. I won’t feel responsible for them any longer.

I’ll save my time and energy for those who love me, those who earned a place in my heart. And there are many of those around me, and more I have yet to meet.

Right, Bean?

Chapter Twenty-One

Matt

Mount Olive Cemetery is a quiet, beautiful place. The grass is green, the tombstones white, a warm wind whistling between them.

I go down to one knee at my father’s grave. There’s a bunch of withered flowers lying at the tombstone. Probably Kaden’s doing. He comes here sometimes, he told me, to talk to Dad. Ask him questions.

He says Dad never answers, but he likes coming anyway. The answers come later.

When Dad died, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to visit here. I made it to the funeral, then I vaguely remember leaving the kids with my mom and going to get shitfaced in a bar downtown St. Louis. I honestly can’t remember when and how I made it home after that. Coming on the heels of Emma’s death, it destroyed me.

“Sorry, Dad,” I whisper. “I’m a poor excuse of a son. But I’m trying. I’m becoming better. God, I wish you were still here.”

Kaden says Dad was never much of a father—which always made me wonder why he keeps visiting his grave. He probably means he wanted Dad to be more, give more. Kaden’s the younger one. Was I Dad’s favorite? I can’t quite remember.

Point is, Dad did all he could. He was who he was, never pretended to be Father of the Year. But he loved Mom. Loved us. He stood by me when I lost Emma, and it all went to hell. He was there, a quiet presence. Helped take care of my kids. Of me.

“Thank you.” I dig my fingers into the wet earth. “I hope you knew how grateful I was. I am. Always will be.” My eyes feel hot. I press one hand over them. “I’m trying, too, you know. I won’t stop trying to be a good father. I think… it’s not a quality. You can never be a good father. You’re always in the process of trying, yeah? You’re being a good father. Through the good moments, the bad moments. The good calls, the bad ones. I figure, as long as I love my kids more than life itself, and put them first, I’ll be a good father. I just hope it’s enough.”

“It is enough,” a voice says from behind me, and I turn to look at Evan with Melissa. I didn’t see them approach. I’d left them by my truck, outside the cemetery. “More than enough, Matt, and you know it.”

Maybe. “I’m ready to go now.”

“You sure? We can wait. I was just showing Melissa the tombstones.”

“I’m sure. I just wanted to say hi to Dad.” I pat the wet earth and get up. “Should have done it long ago.”

“Well, it’s never too late, is it? It’s—” Evan stops, looks down at Melissa. “Never too late. I hope.”

I clap him on the shoulder. “Right. Just don’t wait too long, yeah?”

He nods and tugs Melissa against his side. “Yeah.”

“Is my daddy in here?” she asks, pointing at the tombstones. “Evan, is he dead? Is he buried here? Is he—?”

“No, he’s not,” he says, and pulls her away from my dad’s grave. He swears under his breath.

“Better do this sooner than later,” I say, following them down the paths toward my truck. “You know I’m right.”

“Working on it, man. I need some more time. Let me settle in St. Louis, find a place to stay, see how you like my work at the garage…”

I watch Melissa run to the truck. “Those are excuses, Evan.”