Sex and Vanity

“Hello?” Lucie replied politely, not quite placing her.

“It’s me, Rosemary!”

Lucie’s eyes widened. Rosemary was unrecognizable. Her usual gigantic Elizabeth

Taylor perm*1 was pulled into a discreet low bun, and she was impeccably dressed in a cream Carolina Herrera suit, a single strand of pearls, and barely a hint of makeup.

“Ha ha! You didn’t recognize me, did you?”

“I didn’t. You look…transformed, Mrs. Zao.”

“This is Dolly, my broker. We just came from the co-op board interview.”

“Interview?” Lucie was confused.

“Yes! Don’t you know? I put an offer on apartment 9A!”

A chill ran up Lucie’s spine. No, no, no, this can’t be happening.

“Ahem, knock on wood, Mrs. Zao,” Dolly said, as she rapped her knuckles against the wooden marquetry of the elevator door.

“Yes, yes, knock on wood. I just have to pass the co-op board interview, and they have to read all my letters of recommendation, but I think it went very well, didn’t it? Dolly advised me exactly how to dress and what to say.”

“They loved her. Especially your board president, Ms. Ferrer, who has notoriously high standards.”

“Really? Ms. Ferrer liked her?” Lucie said, getting even more alarmed.

“Yes! She told me how much she admired my father’s writings.”

“Your father?”

“Yes, he was a poet.”

“Come on, Mrs. Zao! She’s being so modest. Her father was one of the most revered poets in China. They teach a class on his works at Yale,” Dolly bragged to Lucie.

“Oooh, I just can’t wait for all of us to be neighbors!” Rosemary squealed, giving Lucie a little hug as she breezed along with her agent out of the lobby.

Lucie took the elevator up alone, feeling shell-shocked. When the elevator doors opened, the first person she saw was Charlotte, who was in the foyer misting the orchids with a plastic spritzer bottle.

“I think Mary’s gotten quite lazy. She doesn’t dust or spritz your orchids quite enough. This one here looks like it should be sent to palliative care.”

Lucie grabbed Charlotte firmly by the arm and forced her down the hallway into her bedroom.

“What’s the matter now?” Charlotte said in a hushed whisper, even though no one was about.

Lucie shut the door firmly behind her and gave Charlotte a look of frustration. “Did you know that Rosemary Zao’s attempting to buy an apartment in this building?”

“She is?”

“Yes! I just saw her in the lobby with her agent.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that. She’ll never get past the board, especially in one of her crazy caftans. Doesn’t that Ferrer lady on the third floor rule this building like Catherine the Great?”

“Mrs. Zao was stripped bare of makeup and dressed like a Scandinavian royal when I saw her in the lobby. And Ms. Ferrer is a huge fan of her father’s work. Apparently he’s some famous classical poet.”

“Why on earth is she choosing to move into this building? I would have thought she would want to buy in one of those ghastly glass skyscrapers along Fifty-Seventh, where all the other international gazillionaires live,” Charlotte wondered.

“Charlotte, get a clue! Now that I’ve broken things off with Cecil, she’s trying to force George on me, and she obviously thinks her moving into this building is going to help! From the very beginning in Capri, she’s been trying to get us together.”