Reunited by the Tycoon's Twins

‘I’m sure it was. What aren’t you telling me, Finn? I know there’s more to this.’

His eyes snapped up to hers and she realised she’d been thinking out loud. He dropped his head into his hands before he answered, and pressed hard against his eyes. ‘I lost my home, Maddie,’ he said when he looked up. ‘I waited so long to have my own home, with food always in the fridge. With the heating always on. And I married Caro and we bought our house, and I thought that that was it. That I never had to worry again. And then—so quickly—it was all gone. Just...gone

. And at the same time we were building the new business premises, and the numbers weren’t adding up. And for the first time since I was a kid I was scared, Madeleine. I was scared that it wasn’t all going to come good in the end. That I was going to find myself hungry. And cold. And back on Jake’s doorstep, looking for someone to take me in. I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t bear to lose everything that I had worked so hard for. For it all to come to nothing.’

She watched as he crossed to the fridge, grabbed a beer and slid a couple of slices of bread into the toaster, and wondered if it was conscious. That need to go and get the food that was always available now.

‘No wonder you’re not ready for this,’ she said, and his eyes snapped to her. How could he be ready for a relationship when he was paralysed by his fear of what would happen if it all went wrong? Far safer to sabotage the whole thing before it even got off the ground. ‘But, you know, just because things went wrong once before, that doesn’t mean it would happen again. You lost an awful lot when Caro went, and I’m not talking about the money and the house. Or even your wife. I’m talking about feeling safe, and secure. And loved. But you survived it. And you have the twins and a lot to show for those years you were married. Would you rather you’d never met Caro? Never married her?’

She saw him think about it, and then the expression on his face softened. ‘No. I wouldn’t have the twins if I’d never met her. I wouldn’t... Everything that has happened in my life has led me here. Tonight. And I’m not sure I can wish that away.’

When he shot her a particularly intense look she had to look away. It was good that he wasn’t ready for this, she told herself. She wasn’t ready for this. She didn’t want this. Not with her new plans for her life buzzing and sparking in her brain. She didn’t want to be distracted by a man. Least of all one who wouldn’t give her the space or opportunity to make her own mistakes—forge her own path.

She wasn’t ready for this. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want a relationship, she realised. It was that she wasn’t ready.

But that realisation made her wonder—did she want to be ready? Did she want him to be ready? She’d spent the last hour trying to make Finn see that his reasons for not wanting to ever have a new relationship didn’t hold up to scrutiny. They were based on fear, not a choice. Were her reasons the same? For years she’d kept her relationships exactly how she wanted them: non-committal. Non-threatening. And they’d left her kind of...empty. If she wanted more out of a relationship, she was going to have to give more. And that scared the hell out of her.

Maybe she shouldn’t be trying to help Finn. Maybe she should be leaving him with his illusions because that would be safer for her. With both of them running scared from a relationship, she was doubly safe. If she made Finn face up to his issues and put aside his fears, there was one of her defences gone. If doing that made her see that her own approach to relationships was making her unhappy and needed to change, then there was the second front defeated as well.

But somehow that seemed less important this evening than making Finn feel that he was safe. That he would still be safe if he decided to take a chance on a new relationship. That marriages ended and houses got sold and the world didn’t fall in. He would never be as vulnerable as he was as a cold, hungry child again. And not because he was rich, right this minute. But because he was tough and worldly and had—as he always did—people who loved him, who had his back. She wanted him to know that he could take a chance on falling in love without fearing that he was putting his children at risk. That the fears that he had been carrying around didn’t need to control his decisions or define his future. She would put her own fears aside for now, if it meant helping him.

Which was pretty much a one-eighty from the shouting match that she’d thought she was preparing for when she had found that money in her account. But it was so clear to her that the money had nothing to do with his faith in her abilities. She believed that he believed in her. His doubts were all in himself. She knew that she couldn’t change that by herself, but she hoped that by pointing out what was so obvious to her, he would start to believe her.

‘Why are you so invested in this?’ Finn asked her and she had to admire the way that he was turning the conversation away from himself. It was what she wanted to do now—to take a swerve rather than face up to her own feelings. But she wanted him to be brave, and that meant that she had to be brave too, no matter the consequences. Wasn’t that what they’d been doing with one another since she’d arrived? Being brave.

‘Why do you think?’ she said. ‘Because I care about you. I think these fears are keeping you from being happy. I want you to be happy.’

‘Because of what happened last night? Because you want more.’

She shook her head, smiling. ‘You know that’s not it, Finn. I said I didn’t and I meant it.’

‘I know that’s what you said. Was it true? Is it still true now?’

She could turn this around on him again, if she wanted. She could be all Do you want me to want you to want me? and they could continue going round in circles all night. Or she could tell him what she was actually feeling and see if he was going to put himself out there with her.

‘I don’t know what I want. Before last night, if you’d asked me, I would have sworn that I want to keep things casual. That I don’t want to get too involved. Not just with you. With anyone. Today... I’m not sure. I’m not sure that my reasons for keeping my distance in relationships are good ones. I need to think about that some more. Now, are you going to be honest and tell me what you’re feeling too? Or am I out here on this ledge on my own?’

He came back across to the counter, leaned on it, their body language mirrored across this great hunk of granite.

Pretty pathetic that this is the closest I’ve been to someone for years, she thought to herself.

Yes, they had been physically closer last night—but this here was the real scary stuff.

‘People fall off ledges all the time, you know,’ Finn said. ‘Gravity is pretty unforgiving. They hurtle down and smash onto the ground below. Who walks into that situation willingly?’

She smiled at the metaphor because he was really throwing everything that he had at resisting what was starting to look pretty tempting to her.

‘Everyone does, Finn. People do it every day. People pick themselves up after divorce, or harassment, or any number of other horrible situations, and they try again. Because what’s the alternative?’

‘Is that what you’re doing?’ he said, answering her question with a question. ‘Trying again?’

She shrugged because at this point she honestly wasn’t sure. ‘I don’t know. I’m thinking about it. But you’re leaving me hanging here.’

‘I care about you too.’ Holy crap. He was tiptoeing out onto the ledge. ‘You know that I care about you, Maddie. But I don’t know how we decide to do this. That all the reasons—all the really good reasons—we have for not doing this don’t matter any more.’

She thought about that for a second.

‘Tell me what you think about my reasons then. Why do you think I’ve been fighting this?’