‘You kissed him? How was it?’
‘It was...fine. Nice.’ Beyond describing. ‘I’m not going to give you a blow by blow account of it. We like each other, but that’s it.’
‘That’s very adult of you.’ Sophie’s tone told Hannah that she didn’t believe it for a moment. When Hannah thought about it, she’d probably have exactly the same reaction. But that was the way things were with Matt, and she had to make it work.
‘I’ve got Sam to think about...’
‘Yeah, yeah. I know. There’s nothing like having kids to bring out the adult in you...’ The radio on the dashboard burst into life suddenly, signifying the end of their break, and Sophie grabbed it, taking a note of an address and then manoeuvring the ambulance out of its parking space.
‘You can’t do it, Hannah. You can’t fancy the pants off him, and then kiss him, and then just decide that’s enough and you’re going to stop there. I know you like things neat and tidy, and I’m the last person to blame you for it after what happened with John. But relationships are untidy things.’
It was a piece of wisdom that Hannah didn’t need right now. ‘Well, maybe this is the way this particular relationship has worked its way through. It’s for the best anyway. We need to work together.’
‘Right. You just go ahead and believe that.’ Sophie flashed her a grin as she turned out of the entrance to the hospital. ‘If it turns untidy, then you know who to call. I promise not to tell you that I told you so.’
* * *
Sophie wouldn’t need to say I told you so because none of this was anything that Hannah hadn’t been saying to herself. But when Matt picked her up at two o’clock on Thursday afternoon, his relaxed and cheerful mood was infectious. Sam flung himself at him, and Matt took the time to play with him for a while. Her mother made tea and then Matt took her bags to the car while she hugged Sam, telling him that she’d call him.
‘That’s okay, Mum. I can go to bed on my own.’ Sam sounded as if he had this all worked out. He was testing out his own independence, still needing her but wanting to do things on his own as well.
‘Well, I can’t. I want to speak to you before I go to sleep.’
‘All right, then. I’ll be here.’ Sam wriggled out of her arms, and ran over to where Matt was putting her bags into the car. ‘Bye, Matt.’
Matt straightened up. ‘Bye, Sam. Got your victory dance ready for your mum when she gets back?’
The vision of a completely different victory dance floated into Hannah’s mind, and she told herself for the hundredth time that it was okay. She and Matt had an understanding.
‘Yes.’ Sam thought for a moment, obviously bothered by something. ‘What happens if you don’t win?’
Matt squatted down on his heels. ‘We don’t need to win, Sam. We just need to do our best. You think your mum will do her best?’
‘Yes.’ Sam pointed towards the bags in the boot. ‘She’s taking all her clothes with her.’
‘Then I’d say she deserves a victory dance when she gets back.’ Matt waited while Sam considered the matter. There would be no rushing him now, he always made time to listen to Sam.
‘Yes.’ Sam leaned towards Matt, covering his mouth with his hand as he whispered something in his ear. Matt laughed and gave him a nod.
‘I think so too.’
There was a bit of rearranging, and squashing of corners, and finally the boot closed with all their luggage inside. Sam and her mother stood in the driveway waving, and when Matt flashed all of the car’s lights in response, Sam hallooed. Hannah craned around in her seat, watching until she couldn’t see her son any more.
‘First time you’ve been away from him for so long?’
‘Yes. I know he’ll be fine, but I can’t help missing him already.’ Hannah settled back into her seat, staring at the road ahead. ‘What did he say to you?’
Matt chuckled. ‘He told me that he thinks the victory dance makes you happy.’
Hannah couldn’t help smiling, and wanting to hug her little boy. ‘He sees more than I think he does sometimes.’
‘Kids do.’ Matt quirked the corners of his mouth down. ‘But you’re a great mother, Hannah. He sees good things.’
‘I hope so.’ The better she knew Matt, the more it felt that at some time he’d been made to feel that the world wasn’t a good place at all. That he’d had to build his own confidence and sense of security, rather than inheriting it, and that he was always afraid of it slipping away.
But they were Matt’s secrets. He had his reasons for keeping them, and he’d told her what she needed to know. She should respect that.
And there was a road ahead. Beckoning them both into something that was both exciting and terrifyingly unknown.