And then came the new pleasure of seeing her. It seemed like another first time, as uniquely pleasurable as the last, standing under the shower together, letting it cool their bodies. He wanted another first time now, more than he’d wanted it before.
‘I’ll go downstairs...’ He kissed her, feeling her hands caress his back, along with the cascade of water. ‘I’m sure I saw a condom machine in the cloakroom downstairs.’
‘Mmm. We can go all the way next time.’
The thought that there was more propelled him out of the shower and he scrubbed his hair dry, finding his jeans and T-shirt on the floor by the bed where they’d been discarded. Hannah followed him, wrapped in a white bath towel, and the only thing that could slow his haste was stopping to kiss her.
‘Hurry up.’ She looked up at him, and he found himself transfixed in the warmth of her golden-brown eyes. ‘Go...!’
‘Then let me go.’
She knew the ties that bound him. Her eyelids fluttered downwards and he was free. Matt threw an exhortation over his shoulder, telling her not to move one inch, and hit the corridor, making for the lift at a run.
When he got back, she was sitting on the bed, still wrapped in the towel. Waiting. He took the packets of condoms out of his pocket, laying them on the side table, and she nodded, smiling. The light from the lamp by the bedside caressed her face.
‘Get undressed.’ Hannah didn’t move. This time she wanted to watch.
As he pulled his T-shirt over his head, she gave a smiling nod, as if she liked what she saw. He was ready for her now, and Matt hoped it wasn’t too soon. But as he stripped his jeans off her smile broadened. Hannah stood, letting the towel fall to the floor, watching his reaction. That pleased her too.
Sliding carefully, slowly inside her was a new pleasure, because he could see her face. Moving until they were both lost in the moment. A thin sheen of perspiration began to form on her brow, and he felt sweat trickle down his back.
This time he felt her orgasm. Saw her face, and the way her hair spread across the pillow. It tipped him over the edge as surely as her voice in the darkness had done. Afterwards, they lay for a long time, curled up on the bed, the heat of the night too fierce for anything other than a sheet to cover them.
Finally Hannah moved. ‘I’m thirsty. Would you like something?’
‘I’ll go.’ Matt tore himself away from her, putting on his jeans and walking through to the sitting room, where there was a small refrigerator, stacked with drinks. Picking up two glasses, he put them down on the bedside table, leaning over to touch her cheek with the can from the fridge.
‘Ow!’ She yelped, sitting up and then caught the can from his hand, pressing it against her cheek again. ‘That’s really nice.’
Heat and cold. Two more opposites to explore maybe. Next time. Matt usually didn’t make any promises to himself about a next time, but it was impossible that there shouldn’t be one. They had a long, long way to go before tonight was finished.
He sat down on the bed, pouring the drinks, aware that Hannah was watching him. Being watched usually bothered him, but for the moment he couldn’t remember why. She took the glass, pulling the sheet up around her.
‘I see your shoulder.’ She was sipping her drink, looking at him steadily.
Now he remembered. Being with Hannah was like drawing a line between now and then—before Hannah, and after Hannah. But suddenly the past broke through, snapping ferociously at his heels.
Most people didn’t even notice the dark mark on the back of his shoulder, and if they did he lied about the cause. The scar was so old now, hidden from his view when he faced himself in the mirror, that he could afford to ignore it. But Hannah had seen more in the way of injuries than most, and anyway telling her anything but the absolute truth would be a betrayal so outrageous that he couldn’t even think about it.
‘I’m not asking you to talk about it, Matt. But I want you to know that I see it and that...whatever happened to you, I wish it hadn’t.’
Her eyes filled with tears suddenly. She knew. But even now, Matt couldn’t let go of the secret he’d kept from everyone.
‘What do you think happened?’ It wasn’t fair to ask her to take all the risks, but Matt couldn’t go there unless Hannah led him. Maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she’d want to believe that he’d fallen out of a tree when he was a kid...
She moved, pushing the pillows behind her so that she could sit up a little straighter.
‘You carry your shoulder a little differently...lower than the other one. That’s probably the result of it having been dislocated. It’s not that obvious...’
‘And...?’ It was poor encouragement to go on, but it was all that Matt could give.
‘The mark on your shoulder...’
‘When did you see that?’ Suddenly it was important, and Matt didn’t know why.
‘Just now. I didn’t see it when we were swimming.’ She leaned towards him, planting a kiss on his cheek. ‘I was enjoying the rest of the view too much.’
That was what he wanted to hear. That Hannah had only just seen this, and that her reaction had been to ask almost immediately. That she’d cared enough to want to know.