Her mother hugged her, telling her how proud she was of her, and then let her go. Hannah led Matt along the path that meandered past the houses and down towards the stream that ran along the border between the village and the open countryside.
‘Matt, I know we said there would be no strings, and that suited us both. But that doesn’t mean we have to be strangers...’ That was a good start. If they could agree on that, then they could agree to be lovers, too.
She heard him catch his breath and didn’t dare look at him.
‘Hannah, I’m leaving.’
‘What!’ This had to be a joke. But when she turned to him, his face was deadly serious. ‘Leaving...where? Where are you going?’
‘I’ve been offered a job in London.’
Hannah took a breath. That didn’t help. ‘And you didn’t tell me? Matt, you slept with me, and you didn’t say anything?’
‘I didn’t know. The offer was there when I picked up my email this afternoon.’
‘What, and someone just offered you a job out of the blue? You must have known it was a possibility.’
‘I didn’t know whether I’d get it or not. But, yes, it was a possibility. I’ve been thinking of moving on for a while now.’
‘And you said nothing? You said a lot of things, but you didn’t tell me that.’
‘You knew I couldn’t make a commitment, Hannah. You can’t either. We both said it. No strings.’
‘Yes, we said no strings. We didn’t do no strings, though, did we...?’ Hannah was almost breathless with anger.
‘No. We didn’t.’ He shoved his hands into his pockets, looking at the ground. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Well, sorry just won’t do it, Matt. You know I can’t just pick up sticks and follow you...’ Hannah felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. No one had said anything about her following him. She’d betrayed what she really wanted to do, at just the time when she should have kept quiet about it.
‘I know. You have Sam and your mother to think about. I’d never ask you to come with me, it’s not fair.’
‘Then why do you have to go?’
‘Because... You know why, Hannah. I didn’t believe that I could love you, but I do. And I’m no good at loving anyone...’
‘That’s no excuse, Matt. If you loved me, then you wouldn’t have to worry about whether you were good at it or not, you’d just be good at it.’
He looked up at her, and suddenly Hannah saw the unfairness of it all. She was blaming him for something that wasn’t his fault. Matt was struggling with a terrible legacy of pain, and he couldn’t break free of it. And all she could do was harangue him for it.
‘Then maybe I don’t love you after all.’
His quiet words cut deep. Shaking with the shock of them, Hannah turned, running away from him. Running away from the man that she’d loved who’d hurt her so very badly.
Maybe he’d follow. She reached her front door, turning to look behind her, and cruel hope tore at her as she saw his shadow, moving towards her. But he was just walking back to his car, and Hannah watched as he opened the door and got inside. After a pause, the lights flipped on and he drove away.
She couldn’t go inside, not yet. Hannah wiped the tears from her face, trying to compose herself, but it was no use. She walked around the side of the house, sitting down on the steps that led up to the patio, allowing herself to cry in the darkness.
* * *
‘You’re putting a brave face on something.’ Sophie was resting her arms on the steering wheel of the ambulance, tapping her fingers fitfully. Hannah really wished she’d stop it, her nerves were already on edge. ‘You can do that with Sam, I guess that probably goes with the job. You can do it with your mum if you want to, but you can’t with me.’
Hannah rolled her eyes, unwrapping her sandwiches. ‘Why not?’
‘Because I have to put up with you all day. An
d I’m your friend. What happened, Hannah?’
‘I’m just a bit tired. It was a tough weekend.’