Resisting Her English Doc

“Let’s walk.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

FLEUR KNEW HIS METHODS, sometimes a little too well. Walking was a good thing to do, but it also helped ease the tension.

As Rick had watched her read, he’d realized that he wanted more than just to give Fleur control over what was being said about her at the clinic. He wanted him to trust him, not just as a doctor but as a man. A friend, maybe. It was dangerous ground and he’d stepped on it without really considering how good it might feel when she responded.

He gave the files back to the receptionist as they passed her desk, and headed by unspoken agreement for the glass breezeway between the clinic and the operating suite. Fleur liked to sit there, watching the ocean, and Rick had wondered more than once how he was going to cope with walking through it alone when she left.

“Do you have any ideas on what you want to do next? When we let you back out into the real world?”

She shook her head. “I lived to dance. I had everything I wanted and now doing anything else seems like second best.”

“Sometimes second best is all you have. I wasted a lot of time believing that second best wasn’t good enough...”

She stopped, sitting down on one of the benches that stood beneath arching fronds of greenery. It was too late to unsay what he’d just blurted out, but he regretted it now. These walks, their talks should be all about Fleur. About helping her to heal, not exposing his own gaping wounds.

“When was that?” Her gaze was steady, giving no sign of condemnation.

“A long time ago.” Rick sat down beside her on the bench, making sure to leave some distance between them.

She nodded, sitting stock still. One of his own tactics directed right back at him. It was surprisingly effective, because suddenly he wanted to tell her.

“I used to think I had everything I wanted. I had a good marriage, my wife and I both had jobs we loved. Nice house, nice friends...we worked pretty hard to make it all perfect. We’d been trying for a baby for some time, and when Lara told me she was pregnant I thought that nothing could ever touch

us...”

He glanced at Fleur and suddenly he couldn’t look away. The jokey, companionable friction between them was all gone, and her eyes showed only compassion.

“We found out that Lara had cancer after her first prenatal check. After Ellie was born, Lara’s condition took a turn for the worse. She died four months later.”

“That must have been so hard for you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked...”

“I’m glad you did, because it’s something I want to say to you.” He’d asked so much of Fleur, and he’d already made his mind up that he would be honest with her in return. “My cousin had been helping me with Ellie, and by the time Lara died she’d taken her full time. She had children of her own, and she could give her everything that I couldn’t—a complete family. I asked Gail if she and her husband would think about adopting Ellie.”

Fleur’s eyes widened with shock. “But...you didn’t go through with it?”

“No, but I almost did. Gail tried to convince me that I could give Ellie what she needed, but I wasn’t able to listen and I nearly made a very bad decision. I almost gave Ellie up because I thought that I, as a grieving single father, would be second best and that wasn’t good enough for her.”

“But you’ve done such a good job with Ellie. She’s a great kid...”

“Yes, she is. And she’s my great kid. She was eight months old when I took her back, and I made a promise to her that I’d be there every night to tuck her in. And I have been.”

Fleur thought for a moment. “Surely you can’t still feel that you’re second best to Ellie?”

“I always will be, because I can’t make up for Ellie having lost her mother. But I can take that second best and make it into something that’s good enough, for both Ellie and me. I think that you can take second best too, and make it into something that’s good enough for you.”

“I hear what you’re saying.” Fleur smiled up at him. “Thank you for telling me, I know it can’t be easy to talk about.”

“Talking’s good. I didn’t talk enough at the time and I regret that now...” Rick hadn’t been entirely honest with her. He’d told her the truth, but not all of it. Maybe she had a right to know what drove him to expect so much of her.

He was still debating the point when Fleur leaned over toward him, nudging her shoulder against his. Even this small physical contact made Rick shiver. “So talk, then.”

Rick chuckled. Talking to Fleur wasn’t just easy, it was becoming an indispensable part of his day. “I want you to understand why I’m pushing you so hard.”

“That would be good. I’ve been wondering.”

“When we found out about Lara’s cancer, she made a decision that she wouldn’t accept any treatment that would harm the baby. That meant no chemo for the first three months and even after that, she couldn’t take advantage of all the options available.”