ETHAN WOKE EARLY. There was something wrong about today and right from the start he felt off-balance.
His first thought wasn’t for Jeff, sleeping peacefully in the dog basket in the conservatory. Nor was it for his son, Sam, who he could hear playing upstairs, driving his toy cars up and down the wall. It was for Kate.
She’d told him she was all right so many times, but he was pretty sure she wasn’t. Perhaps she’d feel better this morning, but Ethan doubted it.
He picked up his phone and put it down again. If Kate had managed to get some sleep last night, she wouldn’t welcome him waking her just to ask how she was. And Ethan doubted that he’d get any kind of meaningful answer. She’d just repeat the mantra she’d been using last night.
I’m okay.
For about fifteen minutes she had seemed okay. Ethan had let her examine Jeff and she’d suddenly snapped out of her shocked misery and into an easy, professional manner. For one moment, he’d envied Jeff her smile and then decided that whatever worked, worked.
Ethan could understand wanting to get on with life. When his wife had died eighteen months ago, his work had given him some relief. It was something that occupied his mind fully, temporarily driving away the pain and guilt.
Kate’s not your responsibility.
That ought to be his mantra. Jenna’s death had brought Ethan’s own responsibilities into sharp focus. He’d let his wife down, too busy and too tired to notice that she was more than just a little under the weather, as she’d claimed. And now he had to concentrate all his energies on giving Sam the love he needed. If Kate’s smile tempted him to forget that, then he had to turn away from it.
‘Dad?’
Ethan turned to see Sam in the kitchen doorway. ‘Hey, Sammy. Got my hug for me?’
Sam ran into his arms and Ethan hugged him tight. He’d promised his son this, during the dark days after Jenna had died. A hug every morning and one at night. Last night, he’d driven home as fast as he could, afraid that he wouldn’t make it, but Sam had stayed awake, falling asleep in Ethan’s arms almost as soon as he’d made good on his promise.
‘Grandma said a lady was hurt by bad men. And you saved her.’
Ethan resisted the impulse to tell Sam that Grandma was exaggerating again. Didn’t every kid need to know that his Dad was capable of chasing away the shadows?
‘It was just one bad man. I shouted and he ran away.’
‘But you saved her?’ Sam gave him a deflated look.
‘Yes, I saved her. What would you like for breakfast?’ At the weekend, breakfast was their time, and Sam got to choose whatever he wanted.
‘Bangers and mash!’
Ethan raised his eyebrows, and Sam cackled with laughter. It seemed his son was turning into a practical joker, and the ache of having no one to share this with tugged at his heart.
‘Waffles!’
‘Okay, waffles it is.’ Ethan set Sam down on his feet before he could change his mind again. His phone rang and he glanced at it. An unrecognised number ruled out Kate, the hospital and his parents, and anyone else could leave a message.
* * *
Two hours later, Ethan presented himself at the police station. He was half an hour early for the appointment he’d made with the police officer who’d called him and he intended to use that time wisely. The officer at the desk didn’t recognise him, and he supposed that his absence had seen some changes here.
‘I’m Dr Conway. Inspector Graham is expecting me.’
‘You’re the duty doctor?’ The officer at the desk shot him a look that wasn’t wholly welcoming.
‘No, worse luck.’
Ethan heard Mags Graham’s voice coming from behind the partition that divided the waiting area from the officers working behind the desk. Then the entrance door opened and Mags beckoned him through, closing the door behind him and shaking his hand warmly.
‘Waiting for the duty doctor, are you?’ Ethan looked around him. There were a few familiar faces who nodded a greeting in his direction.
Mags rolled her eyes. ‘This guy’s not as quick as you used to be.’
‘Brave man. I was always far too afraid of you to keep you waiting.’