‘I know. She’s better asleep right now, mate. Just hold her hand and tell her you’re here.’
‘Will she hear me?’
‘Maybe. Hopefully not, but tell her anyway.’
It was such an effort to stand back, watching Charlie touch her and hold her hand. Hearing him say the words that Rafe wanted to say to Mimi. But he had no right to say them.
* * *
They’d eaten and then left the hospital. Charlie had given Rafe a lift back to the brewery to collect his car, and Rafe had followed him home. The lights of the bungalow were ablaze, and clearly Charlie’s house guests weren’t going to bed until he returned. Rafe nodded in satisfaction and accelerated on down the road, not looking at Mimi’s house when he passed it. There was no way he was going to be anywhere other than the hospital tonight.
He dumped his overnight bag in the small cubicle that adjoined the duty doctors’ rest room and lay down on the bed, fully clothed, trying to tell himself that he wasn’t going to do what he was about to do. Then he gave up all pretence of sleep and went upstairs to the ICU.
He’d expected a gentle invitation to go and get some rest from the ICU staff. But the doctor on duty knew Rafe and beckoned him inside.
‘She’s very restless. I don’t want to give her any more medication if I can help it.’
‘What’s she on now...?’ Rafe held out his hand for the notes, knowing that he was pushing his luck.
‘Just go and talk to her, see if you can calm her down.’
‘Yeah. Of course...’ Rafe followed the doctor to Mimi’s room and walked inside.
In the muted light, he could see her hand twitching. Grasping for something. Maybe she was still back at the brewery, fighting to find something to hold on to, in the rush of water. The feeling that his heart was going to break, right there and then, hit Rafe.
‘She’s been like this for a while. She tried to pull the cannula out...’
Not good news. Rafe looked at Mimi’s arm and saw that a bandage had been put over a new can
nula insertion, to try and prevent her from getting to that one. ‘Can I sit with her?’
‘That would be good.’
Rafe pulled up a chair and sat down. Whoever Mimi was reaching for probably wasn’t him, but that didn’t matter. She was reaching for someone, and he could be anyone she wanted him to be if she’d just calm down and go to sleep.
He took her hand and felt her fingers curl around his. It was probably just an automatic reaction, but she seemed to relax a little.
‘You’re safe, Mimi. Nothing’s going to hurt you.’
She lay still. He stood up, leaning over to brush a few strands of hair from her forehead. ‘Go to sleep now. You’re safe.’
Although her eyes were closed, he could see movement behind the lids as if she was dreaming. She was still fighting it, though. She moved in the bed and seemed to stiffen, as if in pain.
‘Honey, please try not to move. You need to rest.’
Suddenly her eyes snapped open. They seemed unfocused and Rafe had no idea whether she could see him or not. But he repeated his reassurances, hoping that he was getting through to her.
She blinked twice. Then her lids drooped and she lay quiet. Rafe sat down beside the bed, holding her hand, feeling the tears course down his cheeks. This was the only place he needed to be tonight. Every night, until Mimi woke up again.
* * *
Three nights. Three nights when he’d been able to sit with her while she slept. Charlie had been there every day. Jack had come in, looking gaunt and tired, and been allowed to spend half an hour with her. But that was the daytime. At night Mimi was still his.
Rafe knew that he shouldn’t be doing this. He was pushing his luck, asking more favours than he should, but he didn’t care. He drove home for a couple of hours’ sleep first thing every morning, and then back in the afternoon to speak to Charlie. If the ICU staff were willing to allow him to stay on and sit with her during the night, Rafe wasn’t going to question it.
Mimi was improving. She’d been breathing for herself, her lungs recovering from the assault of the water. Each night she seemed to sleep more peacefully. On the third morning, as he tried to slip unnoticed out of the ICU, her doctor caught up with him. Eddie and Rafe were old colleagues and he had always made time to speak to Rafe when he visited.
‘We’re going to discontinue the sedative and if she’s still stable we’ll transfer her on to one of the general wards.’