‘That’s my job, isn’t it?’
‘I live here. I know the dangers from jellyfish.’
‘So do I. And so does William, I’ve made sure he does.’ Rose sat down on the long sofa, hoping he might come and sit beside her. ‘If anyone was to blame it was me. I’m the one who was able to see the wretched thing.’
He turned away, hands in pockets, looking out at the sea through the long windows. There was something else, and if he wouldn’t come to her then she’d go to him. She walked over to stand beside him, laying her hand on his back.
‘Look, Matteo...’
He turned, agony in his eyes. ‘I promised you that he wouldn’t come to any harm.’
That was the crux of it. Not the jellyfish, or the fact that William had walked ahead of them on the beach. Matteo blamed himself for hurting Angela’s children, so he was blaming himself for this. There wasn’t much logic to it but, then, guilt generally wasn’t all that logical.
‘Listen.’ He opened his mouth to say something and she laid her finger over his lips. ‘Just be quiet and listen, will you? You made a choice this evening. You chose to take the tentacle off his leg, knowing full well it would sting your fingers. And then you chose to look after William before you bothered about yourself. Think about those choices.’
He shrugged. ‘They weren’t actually thought-out choices.’
‘You could have done something else and you didn’t. That’s a choice, whether you thought about it or not.’
‘What are you saying?’
She puffed out an exasperated breath. If he wouldn’t face it then she’d lay it out for him, plain and simple. Rose knew enough about guilt not to want to see Matteo burdened like this.
‘I’m saying that the man I saw tonight didn’t stop to think, you made choices that saved my son from any more hurt, and you looked after him and comforted him. I’m sorry that Angela’s children were hurt, no child deserves that and I really wish it had been different. But seeing you with William, I just don’t believe that you didn’t do the best you could for them.’
Rose stopped to catch her breath. When she looked up at Matteo he was smiling.
‘I love your fire.’
‘Stop it. Stop trying to change the subject. This isn’t about me.’
Suddenly he hugged her tight. It was not so much an embrace, more two souls clinging to each other for comfort.
‘I could tell you the same thing, Rose. That the woman I know isn’t the one responsible for William not having a father.’
‘I can’t think about that, Matteo. I don’t know how to.’
‘And I don’t know how to start thinking about what you said. But I did hear you.’
That was all she could ask of him. However many times Matteo showed her that he was different from Alec, Rose still couldn’t bring herself to believe that she could be any different.
She reached up, winding her arms around his neck. ‘So now that we’ve both said what’s on our minds, will you hold me tonight? I just want to be with you.’
It was gratifying that he hesitated, but she knew what he’d choose in the end. Matteo was just too honourable to break a promise, and simply talking about guilt didn’t wash it all away.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to...’
‘I know. I’ll sleep in the spare bedroom with William.’
‘You’ll call me if you’re at all worried about him.’
‘Of course.’
As she lay down next to her son, curling her arms around him, Rose knew that nothing had really changed. She and Matteo had known that their relationship would have to adapt or die. And now that they’d tasted what it would be like to be a family together, they’d both drawn back from it, locked inside their own fears of failure. The best that she could hope for now was that it would adapt into the kind of friendship that they could both keep, because if it didn’t, it really would die.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THEY WERE LIKE a steam train, careening towards a brick wall. Lots of smoke and noise, which gave the impression that nothing could stop them, but ultimately the brick wall was still there. And much as he didn’t want to, Matteo had to think about it.