He’d settled for want, instead of need, and had gone upstairs to check on Amy. But now that Chloe was here... Jon reminded himself that she had her own issues about being touched, and that the intensity with which he wanted to touch her would probably be unwelcome.
But she touched him. He drew away and she touched him again, taking hold of the front of his shirt and pulling him towards her. And then she was in his arms. Chloe reached out, curling her fingers around his neck.
One breath. One look.
There was no longer any him or her, just one frozen moment in time, which they both owned equally. Chloe seemed to understand everything that was in his heart, every question and every sadness. He buried his face in her hair, hanging onto her as tightly as he could.
* * *
He was holding her so tight against his chest that she could hardly breathe. Or maybe it was just that her heart was beating so fast that her lungs couldn’t keep up.
‘I’m sorry...’ She felt his arms loosen around her.
‘No... Jon, don’t be sorry. You shouldn’t be sorry for anything.’ She didn’t want him to push her away now. It was too soon, and the connection that pulsed between them too strong.
She felt him sigh as he gently wrapped his arms around her again. It wasn’t quite as thrilling as being crushed against his body, but it was close.
He held her for a long time, neither needing to say anything. But they couldn’t stay like this for ever, even if that didn’t seem like such an outrageous idea at the moment.
‘Tomorrow’s another day, Jon.’
He nodded, letting go of her. The room seemed suddenly freezing cold as he gave Amy one last look and then walked out into the hallway. ‘I thought I might—’
‘Go for a run?’ She smiled at him. Chloe was getting to know Jon’s coping strategies. He was often up early, running for the joy of it, before she and Amy had gone downstairs to start their day. In the evenings it was different, something to get the cares of the day out of his system.
‘Yeah.’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘You haven’t taken up mind-reading, have you? Those crystals of yours...’
The crystals had become a joke between them. When she’d been ill, it had helped her calm her mind to focus on their sparkling depths, in the same way that running cleared Jon’s mind.
‘Don’t knock it. Each to their own.’
‘Whatever gets you through the night, eh?’ He grinned and suddenly he was very close. He brushed a kiss on her cheek, and almost before Chloe could feel the scrape of newly grown stubble on his chin he was gone, walking into his own room to change into his running gear. In half an hour he’d be back again, out of breath from pushing himself to the limit on the last mile, that easygoing smile returned to his lips. And everything would be back to what passed for normal these days.
* * *
This was hopefully the last time they’d have to do this, because James would be bringing Hannah home the day after tomorrow. Amy was bathed and in her pyjamas and Chloe sat down on the sofa, with Amy next to her, positioning her laptop in front of them.
‘Mummy...’ As usual the sound of the video conferencing call tone prompted the word. In a little less than two weeks Amy had learned to associate the shrill tone with her mother, as if Hannah were now locked away inside the computer. Chloe tried not to think about it too much, because it was heart-breaking.
James answered, looking tanned and smiling. He turned from the screen, beckoning to someone, and Hannah came to sit next to him.
‘Mummy!’
‘I love you, Amy.’ Hannah blew kisses to her daughter, and Amy wriggled forward towards the edge of the sofa, trying to get closer.
Hannah was smiling, but it seemed as if it was an effort. Her eyes had dark circles under them, and James had his arm protectively across the back of her chair, as if he was ready to give her a hug if needed.
‘Say, “Love you, Mummy.”’ Chloe leaned over towards Amy, whispering in her ear. Amy turned to her, her small hand on her cheek.
‘Love you, Mummy.’ Amy repeated the words perfectly, but she was looking in the wrong direction. Straight up at Chloe.
‘No, sweetie...’ Chloe swallowed down her embarrassment, trying not to look at Hannah, and then jumped as the front door slammed. Jon had been working late but he was home now. Amy looked round and, forgetting that her mother was on the screen, started to crawl to the far end of the sofa towards the open door of the sitting room.
‘Hello, Amy...’ Jon popped his head around the door to greet her, and then saw the laptop on the table. ‘Oh. Sorry to interrupt.’
‘That’s all right. Come and say hello.’
If all three of them were in one place, on the sofa, and she held Amy facing the screen, then there could be no more mistakes. Maybe Jon caught the look of desperation that Chloe gave him because he walked straight over and sat down, retrieving Amy and putting her on Chloe’s lap.